Candle Lit Room
| Author | Message |
|---|---|
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days  Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451  | Candle Lit Room Memories of the sun’s golden rays Linger in a tiny fire on a burning wick. A light that is but a distant dream Of the luminous daytime hours. Shadows crawl the floor and walls While ghosts whisper fear inside the mind. Perishing flames neither fright them Nor do they outshine the murk. Heartbeats accompany the sonata Played by the orchestra of irrationality. There isn’t such a thing as looking Too many times over the shoulder. And when the candle does burn out It is with any luck replaced by dawn. For the darkness of the night is Undurable to the tender soul. Can you say "afraid of the dark"?  |
| Kurtni Admin  Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 34289  | Memories of the sun’s golden rays Linger in a tiny fire on a burning wick. A light that is but a distant dream Of the luminous daytime hours. Very poetic, an interesting approach to opening a poem. It placed a setting and left questions at the same time. Shadows crawl (on)the floor and walls While ghosts whisper fear inside the mind. Perishing flames neither fright them Nor do they outshine the murk. I like the lack of the word on, it sounds alot better, im glad you didnt put it in. Heartbeats accompany the sonata Played by the orchestra of irrationality. There isn’t such a thing as looking Too many times over the shoulder. The first two lines were amazing figurative language, I liked it alot. However the wording of the last line threw me off a little, I would have rephrased it. And when the candle do burn out It is with any luck replaced by dawn. For the darkness of the night is Undurable to the tender soul. Check your grammar on the first line, I think you either meant candles or does. I liked the last line alot, it was powerful and had poetic elements. Bravo  |
| FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days  Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921 |  I love that one. Like. A lot. Agreeing with Courtney, only I thought that looking over the shoulder line was fine. |
| Peter Petrelli King For A Couple Of Days  Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 4161 | Ditto Panda. I especially loved the last line. |
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451 | Thank you!  Obviously I agree with Panda and Ellen on the “over the shoulder”-line. I know what you mean Courtney, but I really wanted that sense of fear which that line provides. Perhaps I could have put it differently though.  |
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451 | Dita.Von.Teese.: You said that you would have rephrased that? How? Suggestions? I’m not necessarily gonna change it but I would like to see how you would do it. Also, why did that line throw you off? Thank you  |
| I Am So Beautiful! FUCK! Jackass  Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 1019 | |
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451 | Thank you, dear. But could be a great poet? I am a great poet |
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