jessica_heartxo
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 36 | October 28th, 2006 at 01:53pm Dear to the one who,
That I love always,
And forever.
That someone that,
Loves me back,
That always wanted,
To have.
The one that doesn't,
Care whats been,
Said or done.
And that someone,
That don't have to,
Lie to get his,
Way.
He loves me as,
I am. |
tomamazon
GSBitch
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 68084
  | October 28th, 2006 at 01:55pm ..I don't like it. |
Dead End Girl
Addict
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 10219 | October 28th, 2006 at 02:21pm Well, I'd have to agree.
It's incerdibly cliche and has pretty much no flow.
I'd try using metaphors and some different wording
It sounds like the shell of a poem rather than an actual poem. |
