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Board index - Your poetry

Author	Message
°MorbidRose° Jackass Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 1723	November 2nd, 2006 at 06:27pm I wrote a poem today during 6th period. I just have really been wanting to express how I've been feeling lately in a poem form. So yeah, here it is... It's not as good as my others, but, whatever. XD A burning sensation; fire Stinging my eyes A malicious remark sends a tear traveling down my cheek A hole in my heart A piece missing from a puzzle Does love fill this gap? No. The answer hidden among shadows A smile cannot shade The pain in my eyes A silent cry returns to my lips I speak vaguely; Does he understand? My nails dig deep into my palms As I try to hold onto myself A wave of loneliness watches over me What more can I do but wait? <3 Sandy
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921	November 2nd, 2006 at 06:32pm A hole in my heart A piece missing from a puzzle Does love fill this gap? No. The answer hidden among shadows The above was absolutely wonderful, especially the italicized part. I adore it.
What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451	November 3rd, 2006 at 09:04am I have missed you! Thank you for writing good poetry! The flow is a little rough but it’s no biggy. I really like the imagery and the atmosphere that it creates. It’s a simple poem though and a common subject but you make it work. A burning sensation; fire Stinging my eyes A malicious remark sends a tear traveling down my cheek I like the first two sentences. Good flow there. Great beginning, interesting. The other two are so so. Especially the last. Maybe you could have used a metaphor? A hole in my heart A piece missing from a puzzle Does love fill this gap? No. The answer hidden among shadows The flow isn’t too good in this stanza. Kind of poetic but a little cliché. A smile cannot shade The pain in my eyes A silent cry returns to my lips I speak vaguely; Does he understand? First two lines are great. Common words but a real god imagery. The other two lines messes with the flow and are a bit blunt. My nails dig deep into my palms As I try to hold onto myself A wave of loneliness watches over me What more can I do but wait? Great. It flows and the way you put it creates an atmosphere. The last line could have been better but it ties everything together real nicely. Good job. So no, not as good as your others but still great
Peter Petrelli King For A Couple Of Days Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 4161	November 3rd, 2006 at 10:42am I love. I can't say anything more, because I recognise with the words so much I can't criticise it.
beans Geek Age: - Gender: - Posts: 222	November 3rd, 2006 at 11:10am lol i really liked it and to say its not your best i think you should publish it or whatever you do to get it into books lol

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