Depressed in December
| Author | Message |
|---|---|
| Brendon Urie.. King For A Couple Of Days  Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 2394  | |
| Sara. This Board Is My Home  Age: - Gender: - Posts: 31155 | |
| Riot on the Radio Jackass  Age: 30 Gender: Female Posts: 1841  | |
| Peter Petrelli King For A Couple Of Days  Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 4161 | |
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days  Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451 | Ginger Nuts: In my opinion it is the last two stanzas who give the poetry the impression of being repetitive. I don't remember being depressed in December I don't remember a lot. I can remember the bombs and the bodies The forgiveness I had forgot. I don't remember the blood in December, I don't remember the gun. I can remember the footsteps and door slams The places I had ran from. You rhymed very well and the first stanza flows great. Up until the last line that is. Try something like: ”Or the places I had ran from” . I can't remember the snow of December, I can't remember my name. I can't remember the fortune tellers Or the lipstick print on my grave. I’m glad you didn’t stick to the rhyming, it could have made the poem very stiff seeing as it is simple and repetitive. I like your wording, it gives the poetic touch that’s needed. The gypsy came to my door in November Promised me life in a jar. The gypsy blew dust upon my steps And cast a spell over my lawn. This is where the flow is off. Read it aloud and you’ll see why. Also this stanza seems a bit disconnected from the other two. Keep to your chosen subject  I don't remember Thanksgiving or Christmas, I don't remember a lot. All I can remember from the depths of December Is my wish in the frozen pond. Yeah, well, the flow again. Other than that it was good. You returned to the theme and tied it up pretty nicely. All and all together: Awesome!  |
| the crucible. Idiot  Age: 29 Gender: Female Posts: 621 | It's really beautiful and imaginative. Some of you comment that it's a bit repetetive, but I think you've chosen one frame for the poem and stuck with it. I like the way you broke it up in the third stanza, keeping it from getting too stiff. I myself really love the whole repeating frame thingy, so you've got my compliments there  .Did you know there's a syndrome called the Seasonal Affective Disorder, aka SAD Syndrome? It's when you're really depressed in a certain season and all happy in another, me thinks. Visit http://www.sada.org.uk/ to find out more. |
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