This Means Nothing to You

This Means Nothing to You

Dull footsteps on the asphalt
creep down the sidewalk
as the shadow plunges in and out
of the puddles of light
cast down by the street lamps,
while the cold wind’s whispers
murmurs through the fallen leaves.

The seconds slowly fade away
on the face of the clock
and the hour drapes the heavens
in a darkening garb.

Steadily fumes of escaping oxygen
disappear unseen into the murk
when a silhouette that no one knows
heads for a place called home.
Repetitively, over and over.

Hours, minutes, seconds
passing, bringing night after night,
wasted away between dusk and dawn
count for nothing to the masses.
While steps keep adding up,
and that someone keeps on
walking unknown through life
as desolation personified.





Feedback, please and thank you

I love 'desolation personified', and 'darkening garb'. I thought a few of the sentences were a little long, but it matters little when it's split onto separate lines. I liked how the first stanza was cold, and sort of desolate, but had a very soft writing style within it.

Only errors were where you shouldn't have used a plural, I think. 'Creeps' I think should be 'creep', but to be honest, I'm not sure, because grammar has always confused me a little. I just write what sounds okay.

You could probably rephrase 'Steadily fumes of escaping oxygen'. It didn't flow too well; the idea was good but it wasn't very easy to read, I thought. The word steadily broke it up a little.

But I loved the time concept.

I'm no poet, nor am I a teacher, but I can see a good poem when I read one. lol i suck at analysis, so all I can say is that I like it

Thank you. It’s ok. If you just know that you like it it’s ok to say so. I only encourage feedback, I don’t demand it. ^.^

Ginger Nuts:

I love 'desolation personified', and 'darkening garb'. I thought a few of the sentences were a little long, but it matters little when it's split onto separate lines. I liked how the first stanza was cold, and sort of desolate, but had a very soft writing style within it.

Only errors were where you shouldn't have used a plural, I think. 'Creeps' I think should be 'creep', but to be honest, I'm not sure, because grammar has always confused me a little. I just write what sounds okay.

You could probably rephrase 'Steadily fumes of escaping oxygen'. It didn't flow too well; the idea was good but it wasn't very easy to read, I thought. The word steadily broke it up a little.

But I loved the time concept.

Thank you, dear . Yeah, I did that on purpose. Some professional poets write/have written like that so I just thought “If they can do it so can I”.
And fortunately it seemed to work.

You’re actually right. There shouldn’t be an “s” there. *Fixes*

I had some trouble with that line. Thanks to you I now know what’s wrong with it. I’ll try to improve it ASAP.

You should. It’s awesome But seriously, thanks a lot.

The first stanza pretty much equals complete Panda infatuation. But then, so does the rest of it.

Loved the first and last stanza.

'Steadily fumes of escaping oxygen' was the part I kind of stopped at briefly. I didn't know if you meant 'steady fumes' instead, or kind of lost track of the line (it happens to me often) anyway, over all I thought it was quite good.

I guess I did. I’ll have to start editing my poems when I’m not so tired me thinks . Thanks.
Edit: Actually I meant it this way (the way it’s written): “Little by little fumes of escaping oxygen disappear unseen into the murk...”
(Only now I replaced “steadily” with a synonym so that the concept might be easier to grasp.)

Electrocore Panda.:

The first stanza pretty much equals complete Panda infatuation. But then, so does the rest of it.

Thank you Panda