Author | Message |
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keasbey King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 3660 | November 4th, 2006 at 04:31am Why won't they leave me alone?
Migranes from the telephone.
Push away;That's what I'll do.
I don't want to be with you.
Everything is nausiating.
Everyone is so frustrating.
I'm chewing through my self esteem.
I'm spitting out my sanity.
Anxiety is cutting close.
On craziness; I'm overdosed.
What should I do with myself?
My gapping life, My slipping health.
Duties are out of control.
Self destruction on a roll.
You aren't making any sense.
Overwhelmed, my head's quite dense.
You still think it's just a phase.
I'll go on; outgrow my daze.
Is this the picture that you dreamed?
Of outraged lives and splitted seams?
Dig a deeper and you'll find.
The lives of those all left behind.
Yes it's real, and yes it's sad.
Not for show; some screwed up fad.
It's just this, my severed connection.
Listen close, it's a common misconception.
I kind of went overboard with the semi-colins.
They're not placed right either.
This is about how I used to kind of joke about death and dying and then my gramma died and so it kind of explains what I'm going through, but metaphorically kind of I guess... |
+Hybrid_Theory+ Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
 Age: - Gender: - Posts: 78 | November 4th, 2006 at 05:33am it's good though, sad, but good. |
Peter Petrelli King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 4161 | November 4th, 2006 at 06:18am They'd make better song lyrics than poetry, but that doesn't mean they're not good. I particularly liked the second verse.  |
beans Geek
 Age: - Gender: - Posts: 222 | November 4th, 2006 at 08:28am Ginger Nuts:They'd make better song lyrics than poetry, but that doesn't mean they're not good. I particularly liked the second verse.  hell yea i agree im gonna steal em for lyrics ...nah only jk im no really dont worry, i like it |
keasbey King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 3660 | November 4th, 2006 at 11:08am Thanks.  |
What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451
| November 4th, 2006 at 12:43pm This is a good example of great rhyming. You used the AABB rhyming scheme and still wrote and awesome poem that flows terrifically well. Creds to you! It takes a lot of talent and you obviously got a bunch of it  . If I’m going to be picky (which I always am) two of the rhymes are a tiny bit forced/blunt. “Sense” and “dense” as well as “sad” and “fad”. In the first case it’s mainly the context that makes it forced.
Anyway, I love the second stanza. Brilliant metaphors! You really are quite good with imagery overall. Good choice of words as well and great wording. |
Mike Dirnt. King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 2712
| November 4th, 2006 at 12:45pm Wow, I thought that was really good
*claps*
 |
Cidlet Jackass
 Age: - Gender: - Posts: 1712
| November 7th, 2006 at 03:39pm You writing is beautiful, Haley.
I like rymie poems..  |
keasbey King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 3660 | November 7th, 2006 at 03:40pm What's in a name?:This is a good example of great rhyming. You used the AABB rhyming scheme and still wrote and awesome poem that flows terrifically well. Creds to you! It takes a lot of talent and you obviously got a bunch of it  . If I’m going to be picky (which I always am) two of the rhymes are a tiny bit forced/blunt. “Sense” and “dense” as well as “sad” and “fad”. In the first case it’s mainly the context that makes it forced.
Anyway, I love the second stanza. Brilliant metaphors! You really are quite good with imagery overall. Good choice of words as well and great wording. Yeah, they were kind of forced. Alot of times I just write things like that as kind of fillers and replace them later. |
love. King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: - Gender: Female Posts: 2844 | November 7th, 2006 at 04:17pm i really like it!!! |
Inari King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 37 Gender: Female Posts: 2538 | November 7th, 2006 at 04:33pm I really liked that. It was really interesting and fun to read. |
What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451
| November 7th, 2006 at 05:39pm Skankenstein.:What's in a name?:This is a good example of great rhyming. You used the AABB rhyming scheme and still wrote and awesome poem that flows terrifically well. Creds to you! It takes a lot of talent and you obviously got a bunch of it  . If I’m going to be picky (which I always am) two of the rhymes are a tiny bit forced/blunt. “Sense” and “dense” as well as “sad” and “fad”. In the first case it’s mainly the context that makes it forced.
Anyway, I love the second stanza. Brilliant metaphors! You really are quite good with imagery overall. Good choice of words as well and great wording. Yeah, they were kind of forced. Alot of times I just write things like that as kind of fillers and replace them later.
Ok, I see. I’ve done that too once or twice.
Maybe you should wait with posting a poem until you’ve replaced those fillers though?  |
keasbey King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 3660 | November 13th, 2006 at 02:06pm What's in a name?:Skankenstein.:What's in a name?:This is a good example of great rhyming. You used the AABB rhyming scheme and still wrote and awesome poem that flows terrifically well. Creds to you! It takes a lot of talent and you obviously got a bunch of it  . If I’m going to be picky (which I always am) two of the rhymes are a tiny bit forced/blunt. “Sense” and “dense” as well as “sad” and “fad”. In the first case it’s mainly the context that makes it forced.
Anyway, I love the second stanza. Brilliant metaphors! You really are quite good with imagery overall. Good choice of words as well and great wording. Yeah, they were kind of forced. Alot of times I just write things like that as kind of fillers and replace them later.
Ok, I see. I’ve done that too once or twice.
Maybe you should wait with posting a poem until you’ve replaced those fillers though?  Probably.... |