I SUCK at titles.

I drew a picture for it, its a kid in a hospital room, his body's kind of faded laying in the bed, and his "ghost" or "spirit" or whatever is vivid, as a sign that his real life is fading away and starting new. There's stairs going downward in the middle of the room, he's touching the heart monitor, and a nurse is kind of staring right through him at his body in the bed.
That's what the picture is so you can understand the poem more.

Rushing to (him)
go right through him
his body a silhouette
the shadowed dismay
as he walks away
knowing he's payed off his debt

You'd better leave soon
before demons come through
and rush to take you with them,
go down the stairs
with those wings you now wear
and enter your new life, your realm

Boys P.O.V

Just as I thought,
it's as I imagined,
I know now, I know now,
I know now I hadnt been
DREAMING, when they said
I was GOING, I live now,
I LIVE now,
eternally growing,
no PAIN, no SUFFER,
no emptiness showing.


Constructive critisism?

You shouldn’t have to write a scenario or explanation for your poem. Let the reader interpret it. And if they can’t you’ve failed to get the message across. Of course you can tell people afterwards what you thought when writing, but just try not to do it in advantage.

It has a poetic touch but isn’t a particularly well written poem. It practically lacks any kind of punctuation and that causes the flow to be very rough. Especially since the stanzas are written in one long sentence. This also causes the rhyming to fail (except for in the last stanza).The rhymes you used were fairly simple by the way, as was the entire choice of words. The “Boys P.O.V” shouldn’t be there. It shouldn’t be necessary to inform the reader of that in such a blunt way. Also, you shouldn’t really use caps lock. To write words all in capital letters is equal to shouting them. If you want to emphasize something you should rather put it in italics. The words wouldn’t be shouted and it looks nicer too.

Some tips:
1. Proofread your poems before posting. You have two minor mistakes (“payed” and “hadnt” which should be “paid” and “hadn’t”) which could have been avoided.
2. You need to create a flow. Try to use full stops a bit more or simply begin rows with a capital letter so the stanzas aren’t one whole sentence.
3. If you want to rhyme you must think about the flow. Also you could try not to use too banal or predictable rhymes.
4. Try not to make the poem as repetitive. That makes it banal and dull. Try to use synonyms or another way of writing what you want to express rather than repeating yourself.

You don’t need to do any of this nor do you have to care about what I’ve said. I advice you to though because you’ve got lot of potential. In any case, have fun writing and good luck!