Transparent

What is going on
in her twisted, crazy mind
though she's laying still now
she's a maniac inside
to express her good views
she puts on a smile wide
the smile stays
all through the day
a costume, a disguise
Calm, serene and silent,
but we dont know if its true
she obeys the rules
and does what she's told to do
if only she's a mirror
for us to see right through
for if shes really happy?
We havent got a clue
press our face against the glass
look into her world
the blue the green the colors,
they form a mindless swirl
Unreachable her feelings,
Untouchable her thoughts
the glass is smudged and dirty,
At surface, our view stops...

Constructive critisism please

You really need to start using punctuation properly, dear. You have talent but just not the tools to express it in the best way. I really like the metaphor with the mirror and glass. Really nice and poetic. I really, really like the concept of the whole thing. One thing you’ve managed to do is to stay away from cliché poetry. You have a special stile and way of expressing yourself that’s your own. Your problem is more the structure, flow and wording. I believe that all you need is practice though and even if I can give you tips (which I have done, look at the poem “I SUCK at titles”) they can only serve as pointers. If I tried to give you more tips or be more detailed and you followed those advices your own writing stile would be lost. And that would be a shame. So just try to use the tips I gave you, adapt them to your own stile and then simply work your way from there. Good luck