| Author | Message |
|---|
The Kill
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 8449
 | November 12th, 2006 at 08:17am In a society so self-contradicting,
A mess the years have left behind,
Struggle, fight to find yourself,
It’s you against mankind.
Show not an ounce of terror,
Don’t dare let them see you cry,
For they’ll tear you apart piece by piece,
Against all odds, you must survive.
We’re all born to lose,
Only born to die,
In the eye of the storm,
A world gone awry.
Be strong and shake your fears,
Replace them with hate.
Fight back the chaos,
Refuse to tolerate.
With humanity at it’s worst,
Full of malice and spite,
Inhale deep, and take a stand,
Child, this is what is left.
This is your life.
***
 Well... What do you think? I'd love any suggestions or criticism. And if you have an idea for a title, let me know XD |
Addison Montgomery.
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 7078
 | November 12th, 2006 at 08:22am It's so cool.No title though.. |
ANYTHING-ANYONE! IDK
Banned
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 85
| November 12th, 2006 at 08:30am Years are dying?? iono ...... -.- but its good!  |
totoro
Geek
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 335
| November 12th, 2006 at 08:34am It's amazing, I love it! xD |
The Kill
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 8449
| November 12th, 2006 at 12:20pm Thanks guys ^.^ |
Chaotic
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 61 | November 12th, 2006 at 07:28pm Ooh, very deep. I especially like this one. The message is very powerful.
Awesome job.  |
love.
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 2844 | November 12th, 2006 at 07:35pm i like it. good job! |
The Kill
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 8449
| November 12th, 2006 at 07:35pm Chaotique:Ooh, very deep. I especially like this one. The message is very powerful.
Awesome job.
Thanks, dahlin'  |
[Broken Pretty]
Idiot
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 572 | November 13th, 2006 at 05:24am me like too.
awesome much. |
Whitney.
Idiot
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 507 | November 13th, 2006 at 05:35am Wow, the FIRST GSB poem that has a optomisitic attitude!
It could have a BIT of a better flow, but other than that, goodie! |
The Kill
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 8449
| November 14th, 2006 at 02:11pm Candy Cigarettes:Wow, the FIRST GSB poem that has a optomisitic attitude!
It could have a BIT of a better flow, but other than that, goodie!
Optimistic? Hm...  I thought it was pretty.. bitter. But okay =] Hehe. |
DudeO
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2543
| November 14th, 2006 at 06:22pm Wow thats good. I like all the verses, the third one needs maybe a bit touching up, it only needs maybe one more word or something, something to bring it out more. I really liked it. |
The Kill
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 8449
| November 16th, 2006 at 11:07am demon_girl_121:Wow thats good. I like all the verses, the third one needs maybe a bit touching up, it only needs maybe one more word or something, something to bring it out more. I really liked it.
I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for commenting. |
The Doctor
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 8786
| November 16th, 2006 at 01:27pm Candy Cigarettes:Wow, the FIRST GSB poem that has a optomisitic attitude!
It could have a BIT of a better flow, but other than that, goodie! ...O_o... I find this comment very offensive.
Anyway...
I really like this. Some of the rhyming annoyed me (but hey, I'm biased) and I think it'd make an awesome song. Just a few minor punctationy things and sometimes I thought you overused the comma. But, I have no qualms as such with the content. It was great. ^^ keep it up yo. |
The Kill
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 8449
| November 18th, 2006 at 09:43am Lemur Lover <3:Candy Cigarettes:Wow, the FIRST GSB poem that has a optomisitic attitude!
It could have a BIT of a better flow, but other than that, goodie! ...O_o... I find this comment very offensive.
Anyway...
I really like this. Some of the rhyming annoyed me (but hey, I'm biased) and I think it'd make an awesome song. Just a few minor punctationy things and sometimes I thought you overused the comma. But, I have no qualms as such with the content. It was great. ^^ keep it up yo.
Thanks for commenting ^.^ |
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161 | November 18th, 2006 at 10:20am I thought that it had an awesome kind of sci-fi vibe to it... you could relate the title to that, if you wanted, if that was what you were going for.
Anyway, I really liked it. It was an absolutely perfect piece of work, but it isn't something that I pick out parts to change either. There's just something very... sharp about it. Keep writing, I'd love to see more of your work. |
The Kill
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 8449
| November 18th, 2006 at 10:44am Ginger Nuts:I thought that it had an awesome kind of sci-fi vibe to it... you could relate the title to that, if you wanted, if that was what you were going for.
Anyway, I really liked it. It was an absolutely perfect piece of work, but it isn't something that I pick out parts to change either. There's just something very... sharp about it. Keep writing, I'd love to see more of your work.
Thank you |
