To

To

To every star that fell,
to every heart that burnt,
to every hearse made,
to every soul returned,

to the rigthful master,
to the fuler of the throne,
to the blood-curdling screams,
to the red ont he scythe,

to the threshold of darkness,
to the eternal pyre,
to the crimson stains on your hands,
to the comforting pain,

i drink.


plz comment thanks.

I think it’s ok. It’s a good start but I have some tips for you:

1. If you want to make it more poetic you can use metaphors, grand words (be careful with that though) or be vague (but make sure you get the message across). You should use descriptive words (adjectives, adverbs).
2. Proofread and edit your poem before posting. Always. You have three very unnecessary spelling mistakes.
3. Do not be so repetitive. It gets real dull.
4. You need to create a flow. For that you need:
5. It would help if you wrote in stanzas.
6. You really, really need to use punctuation and capital letters. A full stop, sentences over. New sentence, capital letter.

These are just tips, you don’t have to follow them. I advice you to though. Anyway, good luck!

I really dislike the last line 'i drink'. It just doesn't seem to fit in to the poem.

kk.thanks for the advice.any suggestions on what to change the last part to??