| Author | Message |
|---|
the crucible.
Idiot
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 621 | November 7th, 2006 at 12:14pm Just a poem I wrote today, thought I'd post it. D'you think you could give me some good conscrit cause it needs a lot doing to it?
She
She sat on the step of the porch that night,
Thinking of a love that once was.
The stars shine bright in her lonely eyes,
A tear forming, afraid to fall.
She could smell his scent on the wind that night,
Along with it a torrent of sorrow
As her memory triggered and she was forced to remember
The anguish she tried hard to forget.
She left her wish in the hand of the gods that night,
Praying for this night to end,
And that tomorrow would bring new hope and new goals
That could bring any meaning to the the life she beheld.
It also needs a better title, because this one is rather simplistic. If you have any suggestions please tell me. |
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161 | November 7th, 2006 at 01:33pm I'm never any good with titles. 
I loved it, it flowed beautifully and the whole thing was poetic without being oevrly complex. |
the crucible.
Idiot
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 621 | November 7th, 2006 at 01:37pm Oh my, that is the nicest compliment I have ever received! Thank you sooooooo much! Especially coming from you (I beleive it's Elle, yes?), one of many masters of poesie on GSB. |
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161 | November 7th, 2006 at 01:43pm Hehehehe. I'm really not.
Almost. I'm Ellen.
I mean, it flowed with the same rhythm that is would if it were in rhyme. I've never been able to achieve that. |
the crucible.
Idiot
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 621 | November 7th, 2006 at 01:45pm thankies anyway, Ellen.  |
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451
 | November 7th, 2006 at 04:37pm Ginger Nuts:I'm never any good with titles.
I loved it, it flowed beautifully and the whole thing was poetic without being oevrly complex.
Neither am I... Nightly Grief, maybe?  I suck at titles…
Anyway, I’m with Ellen. It was simple but poetic (great wording there  ). Lovely imagery.
That could any meaning to the the life she beheld.
^that I don’t get though  You missed a word or what? (or I’m just dumb) |
the crucible.
Idiot
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 621 | November 8th, 2006 at 08:01am I missed a word. I'll change that. I'm always missing words. |
the crucible.
Idiot
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 621 | November 8th, 2006 at 08:40am thank you! |
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451
| November 9th, 2006 at 08:24am Bad Wolf:I missed a word. I'll change that. I'm always missing words.
That's ok. I do that too sometimes.  |
adrea
Jackass
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1323
 | November 17th, 2006 at 05:24pm That's a really nice poem I wish I could write like that! |
love.
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 2844 | November 19th, 2006 at 05:58pm thats really good!!!!!!!!!!! |
YUZHEN_
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 50 | November 19th, 2006 at 10:49pm That's beautiful
I'm not very good with titles :S
But I can make a suggestion..
Midnight Despair?
Lmfao ok that sucked I'm shutting up =x
Your title is already fine by the way. |
