girl almighty
GSBitch
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 76615 | November 23rd, 2006 at 10:26am Kso, I'm in hospital at the moment and keep my notebook with me 24/7 for doodles/poems/notes/whatever, and I wrote this today after the first not-very-nice nurse I've met there was on duty at breakfast. I'm a coeliac, and they can barely cater for me, so I take my own cereal to avoid cross-contamination and getting ill. Basically, this guy didn't know what he was talking about and was taking the piss out of my diet. He's a twat and he made me so angry. Add yarz, this is the result of my seething anger.
Botched stitches only bleed expletives;
You can dress it up but you can’t deafen
Cotton wool knives, they’re too
Sunken
two nails to the bone
Scarlet screaming echoes
Lion clawing, choking on opinions, but
The water’s too shallow,
Stagnant
To breathe out the smoke
The king’s jester laughs backwards,
Forcing sickening health upon the peasantry -
Easy targets for the aimless archer,
Yet better than the silent gallows |
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921
 | November 23rd, 2006 at 05:18pm Wow, that was amazing. The whole premise of it was rather awesome and the first line is perfect. And so is the rest of it. Love love love it.  |
Arcane-Inamorata
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 3278
| November 23rd, 2006 at 05:33pm love it lots |
Misanthropist
Post Whore
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 23279 | November 23rd, 2006 at 06:13pm Love the last stanza, like the first, not too sure about the middle.  I can't really explain what I don't like about the middle part, which is no real help at all to you. I just thought it was duller than the rest or that it could be improved with better imagery. |
The D-Cup Wonder!!
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 2467
| November 23rd, 2006 at 06:35pm Great job. Maybe you should thank him for helping you with such a good poem/song thang. |
newagecarny
Was Here Two Weeks Ago
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 42495
| November 25th, 2006 at 09:28am HOSPITAL?!?! 
The poem's awesome, though 
Hope you're well  |
11th Street Kid
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 3645 | November 25th, 2006 at 11:41am Love how you constructed it.  |
Meski
Addict
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 14856
 | November 25th, 2006 at 12:09pm That was a very good poem |
