Black and White

This is now my 100th poem. So I've worked really hard for days to make it special.


Oh honey, you think you're so hot with your soft
spot for vodka shots; when are you going to learn
that you're nothing but a scarlet butterfly caught
in an oblivion? Your heart beats within a dirty,

septic glass bottle, and sends shivering splits through
the surface like spiders' webs. I know there's a soul
in there somewhere. It cries only when you're alone;
painting the infection of your liver against the

floorboards like diseased moths. As I found you lying
upon the bathroom floor, quietly pawing at the ceramic
ribs of the basin, your delicate little world just fell
apart like violence. I could taste your hollow, kitten

like giggles as if they were spoken by my own peppermint
tongue. Nothing is black and white beneath the midnight stars,
and I gently guided you back to your exhausted feet.
Just where were you planning on sleeping tonight, angel?

I really really really love this. It just....eep. I can relate so much.

I like it.. alot. :]

Happy 100th poem!

You know how I feel about your poetry
I can't find anything "wrong".
I love the imagery *kisses imagery*
and I really, really like the structure.

That's powerful. The flow is really nice too, especially from one stanza to the next.

So I'm pretty sure that I thought everything was pretty much perfect. I can't even begin to try and describe how much I loved it; what a good way to celebrate a 100th poem!

Amazingggglyyy amazingggg.

i really really like it!

Thank you guys. It means a lot.

It's beautiful!

Electrocore Panda.:

So I'm pretty sure that I thought everything was pretty much perfect. I can't even begin to try and describe how much I loved it; what a good way to celebrate a 100th poem!

Amazingggglyyy amazingggg.

an amazing way to celebrate your 100th poem

i think its awesome

Thank you. Does anyone have any criticism?

As I said; I couldn’t find any “errors”
But for you; anything.

I reread it and this is what may could be improved:

“Nothing is black and white beneath the midnight
stars, and I gently guided you back to your exhausted feet...
Just where were you planning on sleeping tonight, angel?”
It gets a bit unclear when you break the line up like that.
In my opinion it would look better, be easier to get and
flow smoother if you put “stars” on the line above instead (right behind "midnight".
Also, I don’t think you should use an ellipsis. Just put a full stop
and write the whole last line in italics. It gives kind of the same
effect, only it look better. And the last sentence won’t feel as “off”.

It’s just what I think though. You can make those changes, see how it looks,
and then tell me if I’m a moron suggesting them

Thanks for your criticism.

I originally wanted to put 'stars' where you suggested, but it would mean breaking the last line apart, or re-writing it to keep a sense of shape. (I always write within a shaped structure). I didn't want to do that.

I've changed the elipses, but I don't really mind it either way. I like elipses because I think it denotes thought; but I'm not really that fussed over that little thing.

Thank you.

You’re welcome.

Personally I think you could just move “stars” without having to change anything else.
Like this:
like giggles as if they were spoken by my own peppermint
tongue. Nothing is black and white beneath the midnight stars,
and I gently guided you back to your exhausted feet.
Just where were you planning on sleeping tonight, angel?

I really can’t understand how that would ruin the structure,
But perhaps I’m just dumb

I think that’s a better option then having it the way it is,
but it is your poem and you’re awesome. So you don’t
have to pay any attention to me since it’s more a personal
opinion than actual constructive criticism =P

Okay. Thank you. I've changed it now.

^^ Now it is completely perfect (or as close to perfect as ever possible if you don’t believe that there is such a thing as perfect).
I love it and I love you. I’ll print it and put it and my “book” of favourite poems. (I assume that’s ok )

Sure, that's okay. I'm really proud of this one, I'm going to treasure it.

Thanks You should be because it’s brilliant. Yes, treasure it always *nods*