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The Doctor
Falling In Love With The Board
The Doctor
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 8786

Mibba Blog
November 27th, 2006 at 01:07pm
Don't ask, don't tell

The banal stark bulbs
that constitute as Christmas
lights flicker candidly.
this place is so cheerless,
so cold.

My eyes are freezing over.

The saline frost on my
eyelashes act as a barrier -
no happiness, no fear, no
emotion can clamour crudely

into my mind.

I'm cutting myself
off from these vacant shoppers.
I'm ignoring the fluorescent signs.
I'm not going back for a buy one life
get one free sale. I barely
get by with this one I have.

All around me are salacious Santa
Claus figures, what does that mean?
A lie in a cotton wool beard and
red suit. It's blood. It's blood.

He's an insomniac, he's a lecher.
Santa is a paedophile. A barren
foul man incorporated. Copyrighted.

What hope is he?

I'm walking along this street. Above me
are two lines of twine and lights. One is lit
the other not.

Sanity, hope, goodness are the bright
bulbs - shining in all vulgarity.
The others are one yet opposite.

I walk in the middle. I cannot move
towards either side. My mind
is split in two.

Cynical yet perfect.

This time of year is dreadful,
it ought to be banned.
tomamazon
GSBitch
tomamazon
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 68084

Mibba Blog
November 27th, 2006 at 01:08pm
o_o

I love it.

It shows the bad side of Christmas.
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Peter Petrelli
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161
November 27th, 2006 at 01:17pm
Amazing. Only criticism I have is that I felt that it wasn't always neccessary to separate 'get by with this one I have' from the rest of the stanza. The other lines that you set apart were perfect, but that one didn't seem to fit.

I especially loved
'The saline frost on my
eyelashes act as a barrier -
no happiness, no fear, no
emotion can clamour crudely

into my mind'.

Very Happy
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
What's in a name?
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451

Mibba
November 28th, 2006 at 08:11am
(I also especially loved the same part as Ellen. ^^)

As always I love the structure, the metaphors and the wording*.

I just don’t get this sentence though: “I'm not going back for a buy one life
get one free sale.” am I just dumb or is it grammatically or structure wise messed up?

Also I would have preferred if you hadn’t used “bulbs” twice. It’s a word that stands out too much to be used more than once.

But all and all together I love it Very Happy

*for ex: “My eyes are freezing over.” and
“I walk in the middle. I cannot move
towards either side. My mind
is split in two.”
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921

Mibba
November 28th, 2006 at 03:23pm
A lie in a cotton wool beard and
red suit. It's blood. It's blood.


^ I'm in love with those two lines. I love the whole idea of it, and it was disturbing enough to make it even better.

And to Rose: You're not dumb, if I recall you're from Sweden or somewhere along those lines? Here in America we have sales called "buy one get one". The way she used it is grammatically correct once you take that into account. Hope that helped to unconfuse you. Very Happy
What's in a name?
King For A Couple Of Days
What's in a name?
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2451

Mibba
November 28th, 2006 at 03:55pm
Electrocore Panda.:
A lie in a cotton wool beard and
red suit. It's blood. It's blood.


^ I'm in love with those two lines. I love the whole idea of it, and it was disturbing enough to make it even better.

And to Rose: You're not dumb, if I recall you're from Sweden or somewhere along those lines? Here in America we have sales called "buy one get one". The way she used it is grammatically correct once you take that into account. Hope that helped to unconfuse you. Very Happy

Blush A little silly maybe... Yes, I am from Sweden. Thank you, it all makes sense now. Smile
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