*writes an interesting and eyecatching title here*

I'm not sure if it counts a poem but yeah, comment away! It's my first poem on here...so try and be kind XD

She's always there
In the corner. Alone.
I see people trying to talk to her
but she doesn't want to know

At least I don't think she does
Sitting there listening to depressing songs
and writing bad poetry
In a little world of her own.

I've seen her crying many a time
When she thinks no one knows, or cares
It's true that no one notices
she tries to hide her hurt and fears

I've seen the cuts up her arms
Her way of coping I guessed.
Like the way she walks into school
with her black dresses and make-up

Trying to show the world she's a rebel
When everyone knows she's nothing
but a snivelling wreck
Just out for attention they thought.

That was, until, I found her,
unconcious on the bathroom floor
I just sat there holding her hand
making no attempt to save her.

I was the only one who was with her until it was over.
Until she died that day on the wet tiled floor.
With only me
To silently tell her it would all be OK

And I hear you ask, who am I?
The one who was there with her in the end?
I am the victim, loner and sufferer.
I died that day on the cold dirty floor.

I am she

It's okay. I like the long-ness about it.
I like the end, especially the line
"I died that day on the cold dirty floor."
It's cool, maybe not the typical poetry, but keep going.
And who said poetry has to be typical?

I'll take that as a compliment?
Thanks XD

I hardly ever write poetry...that's my excuse, I guess!

The poem has a nice flow and good wording, even if the words themselves are rather simple.
It’s an extremely cliché subject that you choose to write about but I think you actually (barely) pulled it off by writing in third person up until the very end. I like the twist at the end. That was very well done of you. Pretty well thought out.

I really didn’t like that you bolded the “I”:s at the end. It looks untidy. If you wanted to highlight them italics alone would have worked just fine. Also I really don’t like your choice of subject because it’s too overused.

So basically I like your poem because of the flow, structure, wording and ending but disliked it due to the topic and choice of words.*

You have a poetic talent and I would love to see how you use it on another kind of poem. I think you’d do great.

So keep writing!

*Words such as “rebel”, “depressing”, “crying” “cuts” and “bathroom floor” are overused in a kind of banal and “depressed” sort of poetry. Words like that drag a poems standard down a few notches (if they aren’t used wisely).

Thanks for the tips! I never really write poetry that much but I might write a bit more now. I never put any poems on before coz I was worried about what people would say....but your not that scary =D
Thanks again!

You’re welcome That’s really great because you’ve clearly got some talent there. You don’t have to worry about that anymore, not with the new rules and all. Before people could be awfully cruel around here though. Nah, most of us are real nice (and I’m the friendly Poetry section mod, at your service ). No problem!