The Clock Strikes.
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sailor spaikae! Jackass ![]() Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 1047 ![]() ![]() | The echoes of an eerie wind, Reverbrating through the empty caverns; The blackened sanctum of my fragile mind. So paint my heart, my soul, my pain, The bloodshed of this tragic reign. The last remnants of a spirit divine. Empty your dreary head, Relax in the dawn of your life, For you salvation shall come before... Before the clock strikes, Times up. too late. You wasted it all and now it's gone Your foolish meddling got you nowhere, The dark dabblings have brought you despair, Following those fallicious lies; Perhaps you should have stayed alone? So now it's the end, Goodbye my friend, Your spirit shall be silenced, Salvation traded for eternal damnation. It really wasn't worth it, was it? Risking it all, But only to fall, Down into these fiery pits, You call it hell, I call it bliss. You played with my heart, One time too many. They'll never take me alive, But they'll take us both in death. Any opinions, good or bad (only constructive criticism though if you don't like it, please) is very appreciated. |
davey jones. Falling In Love With The Board ![]() Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 7018 ![]() ![]() | Oh Nicki, this is wonderful! ![]() So paint my heart, my soul, my pain, The bloodshed of this tragic reign. The last remnants of a spirit divine. That part of great, my favorite! This was my least favorite: Your foolish meddling got you nowhere, The dark dabblings have brought you despair, Following those fallicious lies; Perhaps you should have stayed alone? I thought that part was the most unfit. You enver cease to amaze me, lovely! ![]() |
Peter Petrelli King For A Couple Of Days ![]() Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 4161 | 'So now it's the end, Goodbye my friend'. Those lines just didn't flow as well as the rest of the poem, they were a little forced. I liked the irregular rhyme scheme, it made it a little more interesting to read. I'll look forward to you hopefully posting more often here. ![]() |
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