Wreckage

AuthorMessage
Rotten
Idiot
Rotten
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 671

Blog
December 4th, 2006 at 10:05pm
Wreckage

See your face through the smoke and clouds
And this disaster becomes a memory
In the wreckage of your state of mind
You whisper words too deadly for me

The sun sets and casts shadows of gold
With the world’s sorrow accenting the skyline
Then darkness absorbs all trace of thought
And another day becomes lost in time

Are we here for a purpose or not at all?
Is this the consequence of your actions?
My voice isn’t loud enough to conquer the world
But I hope I can gain your attention

(chorus)
Look around at where we are
This battleground is still echoing
I see you in a different light after dark
The moon shows a different side of everything

I came this far to turn back now
But behind me is a long way down
I don’t even know what I want anymore
So I’ll leave the path you found

Strange words have been tossed back and forth
Now a freezing cold silence holds the air
If I look back at my footsteps again
Would I also see yours there?

It was just a conflict up to now
But now it’s lost its fun
Tear-stained cheeks are no defense at all
So now the war has begun
newagecarny
Was Here Two Weeks Ago
newagecarny
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 42495

Mibba
December 5th, 2006 at 08:29am
Quote
The sun sets and casts shadows of gold
With the world’s sorrow accenting the skyline
Then darkness absorbs all trace of thought
And another day becomes lost in time

Are we here for a purpose or not at all?
Is this the consequence of your actions?
My voice isn’t loud enough to conquer the world
But I hope I can gain your attention


My two personal favourites.
Rotten
Idiot
Rotten
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 671

Blog
December 5th, 2006 at 05:02pm
Ellaisonfire:
Quote
The sun sets and casts shadows of gold
With the world’s sorrow accenting the skyline
Then darkness absorbs all trace of thought
And another day becomes lost in time

Are we here for a purpose or not at all?
Is this the consequence of your actions?
My voice isn’t loud enough to conquer the world
But I hope I can gain your attention


My two personal favourites.

Thank you very mcuh- you're very kind.
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Peter Petrelli
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161
December 6th, 2006 at 06:30am
'See your face through the smoke and clouds
And this disaster becomes a memory
In the wreckage of your state of mind
You whisper words too deadly for me'

I think you could've just rhymed 'memory' with 'deadly. Even if you just rephrased it as 'much too deadly' it'd work. Just a thought, it works either way. Very Happy

I really, really like this. Up It can be hard to stick to a simple rhyme scheme and not sound forced and cliched, but this flows awesomely well.
love.
King For A Couple Of Days
love.
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 2844
December 8th, 2006 at 08:33pm
I really like it.

It was just a conflict up to now
But now it’s lost its fun
Tear-stained cheeks are no defense at all
So now the war has begun
...AMAZING.<3
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