Starlights and Cassettes [v]
| Author | Message |
|---|---|
| Peter Petrelli King For A Couple Of Days  Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 4161 | I swear it's getting worse.  He is but a sweet, vulnerable mortal boy, and she is a lyrical specimen who resides in the violent skies; both as frail and fragile as cracking stars. Only one fateful meeting and already she cannot purge him from her mind. She clings to the tropical contours of his voice still embedded in her thoughts, and plays them back like a charred cassette; wishing to touch every molten word. Little does she know that hidden away within the dark, lonely London streets, is a young musician by the name of Sirius - reaching out for the pretty girl he met on New Years' Eve. He too can hear the fizzy, addictive qualities of a far away voice, buried deep inside his heart and piercing through the synapses. His nights are tempestuous without such a fragile creature, and her days are poisoned by wishful memories; connected through even the darkest of realms. |
| The Doctor Falling In Love With The Board  Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 8786   | |
| FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda King For A Couple Of Days  Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 2921 | Pssh, stop making things so beautiful.  Edit: *grumbles* stupid rule... Uh, great description!  |
| Peter Petrelli King For A Couple Of Days Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 4161 | Thank you poetry babes.  *huggles you and gives cookie*I've taken to writing an installment of the series every week - fortnight to give me ideas for what to write. I wasn't so sure about this one. Thank you oodles. |
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days  Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451 | Electrocore Panda.:  *feels hurt*Anyway... Ellen your poems are not gettig worse...seriously. I adore it! Lovely imagery and awesome structure. Some of the lines get a bit confusing/over complex by their length (even if you use commas) though. But don’t change that, because it sort of works. Just keep it in mind for future poems. As for criticism; you don’t need a comma when you have an “and” You can write like this: “…mortal boy and she is a lyrical…” “…thoughts and plays them…” “…fragile creature and her days…” Tha would be all  |
| Peter Petrelli King For A Couple Of Days Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 4161 | Reading it through again, some of the lines are little complex. I was intending to break up the last two lines, but I didn't. (can't remember why...) But I might have a look at the length of some of the sentences, for reference and to tidy it a little.  I won't change too much though. |
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451 | Yeah, it’s just so easy to lose yourself in the complexity of the poem when writing because it’s all so clear to you If you find a way to do that it’d be great  |
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