She Swears Revenge.

Board index - Your poetry

Author	Message
Mrs. Lee Jackass Age: - Gender: - Posts: 1428	December 11th, 2006 at 12:10pm She lost the love, she wanted to keep. She lays as they judge, with black. She looked and tried, to untie her feet. She swears revenge, and begs to get it back. A drop of blood, and a broken cross. Looking straight ahead, as he looks threw the glass. She waits, for the dark night. She waits, for no light. She waits, holds her revenge tight. Remember such a time of when she was lost. She prays for her past. Her burning skin, the devils mask. Nailed to her face, she screams. Nothing she thought could ever last. Away from the light, that once beams. A drop of blood, and a broken cross. Looking straight ahead, as he looks threw the glass. She waits, for the dark night. She waits, for no light. She waits, to fight. Looking for her heart to come back from the past. Hoping for something she had lost. Revenge waits 200 hundred years. Never felt so long, being trapped along concrete walls. Nails in her skin, dead, just how she appears. The light she sees again, walking along shadowed halls. Please comment. I want some feed back.
Dobbemort_8thHorcrux Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie Age: 31 Gender: Male Posts: 14	December 13th, 2006 at 04:31am :O That's realleh ... deep. I love it Its aweshum.
Riot on the Radio Jackass Age: 30 Gender: Female Posts: 1841	December 13th, 2006 at 04:41am 's pretty good.
dramamine; King For A Couple Of Days Age: 31 Gender: Female Posts: 2004	December 13th, 2006 at 04:48am That's deep, but VERY good.
+Hybrid_Theory+ Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie Age: - Gender: - Posts: 78	December 13th, 2006 at 04:59am claps
MikeDirnt'sFed-ExVan Geek Age: - Gender: - Posts: 173	December 13th, 2006 at 05:17am ooooh, thats a dude of a song
Neil Patrick Harris Geek Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 457	December 13th, 2006 at 05:49am Thats fucking amazing!!! I love it!!!! <3 your always great, arent you??? hehe.. awesome-ness <3
†Gothic_zAi† Geek Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 150	December 13th, 2006 at 06:31am awsome!!! i really love it!
The Doctor Falling In Love With The Board Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 8786	December 13th, 2006 at 12:34pm It was about as deep as a puddle in the Sahara. It was so close to being the overused, poorly written lets-go-cut kind of poem...Thankfully you didn't enter that trap...but sooo close. It was rather dull anyway. Your rhyme scheme betrayed you...BIG style. You should find a more leniant, less ...lefiug...rhyme scheme or even ditch it! It didn't flow, really, because you repeated too much. Way. Too. Much. It repeated so much I thought my eyes were rereading lines. You should cut down on using 'she'. Really. You used it in nearly everyline. Words like 'maiden' 'the girl' and others save you from this! Also; this part irked me. Revenge waits 200 hundred years. It waited 200,000 years? Two hundred hundred years? Do you mean just 200? or 200,000? Or anything inbetween? But, keep writing and you will improve.
What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451	December 14th, 2006 at 04:00am Hey people, try to say something constructive, otherwise you're post are likely to be considered spam.

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