I Hate You

Really good! Wow..I wish that I could write like this

i love it its really good well done xxxx

Er....some conscrit or at least some constructive compliments would help, guys. I know this isn't my job...but I feel this should be said.

I really like this overall...it flows well and has a good structure, but the rhyming's rather forced. I love the topic, which is quite common but great all the same.

Two-faced liar, last week's trash
Fuck you and your birthday bash

I like the first line, but the birthday bash is a bit off-topic and yes, forced.

However, I love the emphasis on the use and the whole second stanza. It's osm. And I can't get enough of the bracket bits.


Although, I'm not sure I like swearing in here. I agree it goes with this tone of poem, but it's a bit vulgar for poetry. But of course, it's your opinion, and your poem, don't get me wrong.

Remember, you can take all, some or none of my advice and you don't have to agree with me, either.

that's real feelings. i know how it feels. gaawd

I wouldnt wanna get on the wrong side of you. Good poem

Snow White Queen:

Two-faced liar, last week's trash
Fuck you and your birthday bash

I like the first line, but the birthday bash is a bit off-topic and yes, forced.

However, I love the emphasis on the use and the whole second stanza. It's osm. And I can't get enough of the bracket bits.

Thank you! Um, the birthday bash thing was really a part of it.
Let me explain... my ex friend was having her birthday party, and she said I could come, so I did and brough an expensive gift for her. In the middle of the party, before we were leaving to go to dinner, she pulls me aside, and says "It's time for you to go" I keep a straight face, and smile politely and say goodbye. I walk home in the rain, and I wrote her a letter telling her to basically FOD. I don't really think it's off-topic...

Milk:

Snow White Queen:

Two-faced liar, last week's trash
Fuck you and your birthday bash

I like the first line, but the birthday bash is a bit off-topic and yes, forced.

However, I love the emphasis on the use and the whole second stanza. It's osm. And I can't get enough of the bracket bits.

Thank you! Um, the birthday bash thing was really a part of it.
Let me explain... my ex friend was having her birthday party, and she said I could come, so I did and brough an expensive gift for her. In the middle of the party, before we were leaving to go to dinner, she pulls me aside, and says "It's time for you to go" I keep a straight face, and smile politely and say goodbye. I walk home in the rain, and I wrote her a letter telling her to basically FOD. I don't really think it's off-topic...

milk did you make the saints are coming video, or is that just a coincidence?

~rawr_im_a_tiger~:

milk did you make the saints are coming video, or is that just a coincidence?

Hahah, no. Um, actually it's not a coincidence. I was looking tfor a username, and my username used to be the saints are coming... So I wanted tomsthing funny and practical. Multiple meaning.


And Thank you to everyone who likes my poem.

hey milk i looked at your profile and i was wondering, could you make me an avatar?

Milk:

Snow White Queen:

Two-faced liar, last week's trash
Fuck you and your birthday bash

I like the first line, but the birthday bash is a bit off-topic and yes, forced.

However, I love the emphasis on the use and the whole second stanza. It's osm. And I can't get enough of the bracket bits.

Thank you! Um, the birthday bash thing was really a part of it.
Let me explain... my ex friend was having her birthday party, and she said I could come, so I did and brough an expensive gift for her. In the middle of the party, before we were leaving to go to dinner, she pulls me aside, and says "It's time for you to go" I keep a straight face, and smile politely and say goodbye. I walk home in the rain, and I wrote her a letter telling her to basically FOD. I don't really think it's off-topic...

Ok, sorry. I really thought you just wrote that just to keep the rhyming, but I understand much better now. Sorry.

~rawr_im_a_tiger~:

hey milk i looked at your profile and i was wondering, could you make me an avatar?

Isn't that a bit offtopic? Just a bit?

You know guys, this thread is supposed to be giving her constructive criticism, not to further your social life.

I really liked this. And believe me, I know how you feel. I've been there far too often. I especially loved the chorus, I read it and could visualise it as a real angry, fighting song. I love.

That's fantasitic! PM me when you have more!