The Doctor
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 8786
  | December 16th, 2006 at 01:15pm Don't ask, don't tell
This poet is a foetus.
Curled up in the soft, warmth of lavender-scented
water, I gaze myopically with my eyes of
jagged blue ice. Outside of my reach, lines of
viscous stinging red light hurtle past
like express trains.
I'm so thirsty. I would sup at hydrochloric
acid just to release my aching gut of its plea.
Bubbles of rainbow oil burst over
the map. That awful Atlantic Ocean
that separates my soul from my love.
I despise it. I can so easily trace the race
from the Americas to the dreary haven
of the Scottish highlands with my damp
fin, but it is not as easy as walking
on water, we are not gods yet.
Not yet; we are so close
yet so separate and different, like
twins that are not identical.
The sweeping current of these alkaline shores
attempt to drag me into that stiff-necked world
of corporations. I cannot.
I will it not.
I am her Plath, she is my Hughes.
But she is not poetic
or English.
But; but; but. If; if; if.
How these words help promises
find fault. |
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161 | December 16th, 2006 at 03:16pm Gaaaaaaaaaah. It's beautiful.
'Curled up in the soft, warmth of lavender-scented
water, I gaze myopically with my eyes of
jagged blue ice.'
Wtf was up with those lines? They're amazing. 
I don't know if I would've used colons for 'But; but; but. If; if; if'. But that's just my personal opinion, because I think it looks a little messy if they're over used.
I love. |
FINGER_FUDGE
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 23 | December 18th, 2006 at 11:22am Me likes  |
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161 | December 18th, 2006 at 11:25am 
http://www.geekstinkbreath.net/board/viewtopic.php?t=49065&start=0
#1 |
Toxic Teeth
Idiot
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 645
| December 18th, 2006 at 12:28pm Bubbles of rainbow oil burst over
the map
I love that line. ^___^
Its terribly beautiful.
 |
newagecarny
Was Here Two Weeks Ago
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 42495
| December 18th, 2006 at 12:38pm OH. DEAR.
That is stunning beyond words. I have read plenty of your work (maybe didn't comment that often) but I've never read anything as beautiful as this. You truly have a beautiful mind.
I am her Plath, she is my Hughes.
But she is not poetic
or English.
This part was just gorgeous. It got to me the most, but I'm not sure I can explain why.
You ended it perfectly.
I don't think I came across someone who writes so beautifully without it looking overdone.
Congradulations. |
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921
| December 18th, 2006 at 03:00pm we are not gods yet.
Not yet; we are so close
yet so separate and different, like
twins that are not identical.
Pure ownage. ^^
Again with the imagery! *faints*
I would sup at hydrochloric
acid just to release my aching gut of its plea.
Oh and your use of those particular words was...exquisite. |
wait_what
Geek
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 411
| December 18th, 2006 at 05:34pm Joan of Arc of Suburbia:Don't ask, don't tell
I am her Plath, she is my Hughes.
But she is not poetic
or English.
I'm not sure why, but that part made me laugh.
quote="Joan of Arc of Suburbia]But; but; but. If; if; if.[/quote]
The semi-colons seem a bit too much there. Perhaps just regular commas?
Outside of those two things, I think your poem is absolutely beautiful. Awesome job. |
