It's The Killing Inside.

How time flies by,When you're smoking dusty air.
Just like the noise coming from the closed door.
For a hand to touch the ground.
Made nothing more than a lifted head.
Hitting the mark, that's painted X.

It maybe true.Or is it just a lie?
The something you can't learn.
Or even come to describe.
There's nothing there.
But pins and needles.
Crossed against your heart.
Looking at the world.
Threw a broken window.
Seeing nothing we saw before.
No truth, but a bleeding lie.

Laying in the same bed.
Listening to the time pass by.
Used for only water.
A head will lie.
Thoughts of watching air escape...
Death seems like heaven.
But there is a hope.
Men in blue and white, searching the stars.
But it's not where the lost hide.
It's the killing...Inside.


O.k, I some what tried with this poem. It might not make any sense to you, and the flow and rhyming is shit. But if I could get a chance to read it to you myself, there might be a little hint of it being a good poem. But there isn't any chance.

Amazing! *10*

wow. i REALLY like it!
good job!

Thanks!
But now that I read it. The flow could be better.

Don't put yourself down, it's very good

Just a reminder you guys #1

About the poem; I think it’s quite good. The flow is actually ok, but I think you could make it better if you made longer sentences, or didn’t put a full stop at the end of every row when you have such short sentences. Because that’s probably what makes the flow a bit rough.

Your metaphors and similes are good but you could perhaps try to use at least some not so common words though to make the poem a bit more interesting (but that’s up to you).

Well, that’s my tips to you. You’re free to ignore them if you like. But at least take them into consideration . But most important of all; carry on writing!

I will!
There good tips I must say.
I just gotta keep writing, I'm used to writing lyrics, instead of poems.