Rotten Idiot
 Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 671
 | December 20th, 2006 at 11:00pm I'd love to have some feedback! This is only a first draft....
Sometimes I guess I wonder
What's so great about straight lines
I don't really understand
Why our entire lives must be timed
Is there really a point to freedom?
'Cause our values are written in stone
There's nothing I can really do
When my future is not my own
You never speak my language
I understand your words though
And even though we're neighbors
Our affection is only for show
(chorus)
Separated by a tear
I don't know why it's even there
Separated by a point of view
And now I think much less of you
Sometimes I guess I wonder
Why we must all be the same
What's so bad about stepping out
And never feeling shame?
Maybe you could tell me
'Cause I don't know why I'm wrong
Why am I a bad person
For singing a different song?
Is there really a point to freedom?
'Cause our values are written in stone
There's nothing I can really do
When my future is not my own
(chorus) |
Peter Petrelli King For A Couple Of Days
 Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 4161 | December 21st, 2006 at 06:29am I really liked this.  You have an ability to rhyme without sounding forced and cliched, and it has a steady, bouncing rhythm, which has always been a personal love of mine.
'You never speak my language
I understand your words though'.
I especially liked those lines.  Admittedly, it broke the flow a little, but I thought that was good; it gave a subtle change from a set pattern, which you need in lyrics.
 |
hay lin Idiot
 Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 760 | December 21st, 2006 at 09:34am I love it.  |
Rotten Idiot
 Age: 34 Gender: Female Posts: 671
 | December 21st, 2006 at 05:59pm Thanks to both of you! I really appreciate it! |