*they_call_me Ri*
Geek
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 177 | December 21st, 2006 at 06:44pm Hold on to what you were given.
ALways wrong and never forgiven.
Child of mercy, never of light.
Will you kill, will you fight?
Mercy, yes mercy is what we cry for.
No One will hurt you behind our closed door.
Shut out the light, Shut out the pain.
Fragile life that has been rearranged.
Cry for the darkness, scream out the name.
Push out your hate, which one will you blame.
Your mother your father, which one will you choose?
Save the fragile lives, of the ones you abuse.
Can't help hurting all that you surround.
Dead like the ones who fall to the ground.
Can you escape it?
When must you face it?
Hold on to what you were given.
Always wrong and never forgiven.
Child of mercy, never of light.
Will you kill, will you fight?
Mercy, yes mercy is what we cry for.
No One will hurt you behind our closed door.
It was just there. I kept typing and this is what i was left with.
I would like some helpful critism. If some of my spellings are off sorry. =/ |
The Hippy
Geek
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 112
 | December 21st, 2006 at 11:42pm I love this poem, it's easy to understand, but it isn't so obvious like most poems, which is nice! |
JOOLS
Addict
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 11676
 | December 22nd, 2006 at 12:20am Pretty durn good =] |
*they_call_me Ri*
Geek
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 177 | December 22nd, 2006 at 03:21pm thanx =] |
love.
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 2844 | December 23rd, 2006 at 09:33pm i love this poem! i agree with SQUASH its easy to understand |
newagecarny
Was Here Two Weeks Ago
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 42495
| December 24th, 2006 at 06:52am Shut out the light, Shut out the pain.
Fragile life that has been rearranged.
Try changing the second line
Suggestion:
Shut out the light, Shut out the pain.
From the blood caged in the vein. |
