Fragile Relationship

Fragile Relationship

Unstable, like a house of cards,
One whisper would cause disaster.
I will staple my lips shut.
Hush, it’s worth it.

You shall not miss my words
For they’ll trickle from my fingers.
Letters and sentences,
Alive before you eyes.

Quivers beneath your hands
That no chill creates.
My trebling features will
Surely bring an earthquake
Upon our situation.

I try, I try
But, hands up,
I’m still frightened.
Because

Regardless of the amount reviled
The darkest of corners do still rest
In shadows so thick.
You cannot get through.

So I soften myself in your embrace,
Hoping it will keep my mind
From provoking limbs
To shake destructively.

Hearts beating simultaneously
Is all I wish for, dear.
Therefore I dare barely move
In fear of destroying us
Until reparation fails.

I have to believe
That I’m not the
Ace of Spades but truly
Your Queen of Hearts.

Whoa! That was great.us It has been awhile since I read one of your poems. I loved it, especially the last stanza. And sorry but one little thing, you had a few typos. Nothing major but it just irks me since I'm a grammar junkie. It was still very good.

K, that was really good. I like the Queen of Hearts thing. It was cute. Anyhoo, that reminded me of two things. One: a short prose piece I wrote for the Writers Circle on EvThreads when the topic was "fragile". I used the same metaphor: house of cards. It also reminded me of an annoying song by some Norweigan girl

"Don't save me, I'll save you the hassle our little castle in the house of cards. It's empty, heart ache is pending this is us ending something something something"

Thanks. I didn’t know that, perhaps it’s sort of a common metaphor/slimily? I think I might have heard it in a song but IDK.

josh_oliday23:

Whoa! That was great.us It has been awhile since I read one of your poems. I loved it, especially the last stanza. And sorry but one little thing, you had a few typos. Nothing major but it just irks me since I'm a grammar junkie. It was still very good.

Thank you, dear. Oh, It’s ok. It’s because English isn’t my native language. So, I wouldn’t mind some help with corrections and such =] Errors bug me too xD

Grammar Time!

Unstable, like a house of cards,
One whisper would cause disaster.
Beautiful metaphor; still deciding whether using something more complex than 'unstable' would be best. On one hand, it brings the line together more solidly, but on the other, something a little more intriguing might work better... not sure yet.

I will staple my lips shut.
Hush, it’s worth it.

You shall not miss my words
For they’ll trickle from my fingers.
Letters and sentences,
Alive before your eyes.

Quivers beneath your hands
That no chill creates.
My trembling features will
Surely bring an earthquake
Upon our situation.

I try, I try
But, hands up,
I’m still frightened.
I loved these lines, they were both very raw and simplistic but still crafted and beautiful.
Because

Regardless of the amount reviled
The darkest of corners do still rest
In shadows so thick.
You cannot get through.

So I soften myself in your embrace,
Hoping it will keep my mind
From provoking limbs
To shake destructively.
It took me a couple of reads to appriciate this. Not sure why. It just took me a few seconds to fully understand.

Hearts beating simultaneously
Is all I wish for, dear.
Therefore I dare barely move
In fear of destroying us
Until reparation fails.

Thus I have to believe
That I’m not the
Ace of Spades but truly
Your Queen of Hearts.
This was so insanely gorgeous, but I'm not sure about the 'thus' at the beginning, it broke it up a little too much.

Thank you so much Thanks for taking your time!
*fixes the errors*

I wasn't sure about the "thus" either...
I guess I'll remove it and see if it works better ^^