ARR

I haven't written anything in ages, but this came rolling out my head the other night, and I've written some more stuff, inspiration seems to be coming back a bit. Here it is. It's calle ARR [All Rights Reserved]:



You curl up and wait and die inside,
Like a wind-up toy that’s fallen over,
The key continues drilling and telling you to move,
But you’ve landed on your tinny side,
Legs and arms still whirring,
Mouth still grinding but the eyes,
Nothing behind those eyes,
No reassurance,
No desire to keep on going.
Your mind is like an empty case,
A space that once held something special,
Something once meaningful,
But it all fell apart,
And it’s left you there,
Your body is alive,
But you, the things inside that made you you,
They’re all in complete and total shutdown,
You’re not even on standby anymore.
If someone were to prick your skin with a pin,
You’d gaze hazily past them,
And later murmur but never move,
Even if you felt anything,
You wouldn’t do a thing about it,
Why?
Because nothing matters anymore,
The things you may remember,
Memories once held dear and tight,
Wouldn’t seem like your own.
It’s a terrible thing,
It feels like all those things,
All those people you cared for,
Everything was just an observation,
Of someone else’s life.
And the heart…
Though it still beats and continues to keep you alive,
Each thud is a little duller than the last,
Slowing and increasing in weight it would seem,
Slower, heavier,
Slower, heavier,
Repititous and ever so boring,
Slower,
Heavier,
Slower,
Slower,
Until one day,
It just….
Stops.

No takers?
don't blame you. Tis depressing a bit

aw..its sad...

'Though it still beats and continues to keep you alive,
Each thud is a little duller than the last,
Slowing and increasing in weight it would seem,
Slower, heavier,
Slower, heavier,
Repititous and ever so boring,
Slower,
Heavier,
Slower,
Slower,
Until one day,
It just….
Stops.'

I really liked how you used repetition here. But in my opinion, it would read a little better without the elipses at the end of 'It just'. (Elipses are the three little dots ...)

I really liked it. I've read a lot of poems similar to this, and most are just dull and boring, but this is different. I mean, it's not absolutely fantastic, but I really enjoyed reading it.

thanks for the advice