Betray Yourself

i am gald to be back on gsb again and so i'll post the poetry i have written sicne august...if you dont mind...and Ellen, i hope you like it.

sitting on the bathroom seat
staring endlessly into the mirror
your figure haunting you
digging deep inside your soul

eyeing the outlines of your reflexion
it doesnt remind you of you anymore
its so fargone, so empty
the eyes have lost their glow

dripping water from the sink
it brings you back to conciousness
looking around the locked up bathroom
you lose yourself again

voices in the back of your head
telling you to open up your eyes
unlock the bathroom door
and step back into the light

it all seems so hard and faraway
still you dont believe in the strength of the will
again you wish to start all over
you cant see the light in the end of the tunnel

Glad to have you back. I think you've improved a little too since you last posted... it's very similar, but has a little more maturity to it than last time. You were good before - now you've got some real potential. I especially liked 'eyeing the outlines of your reflexion', I haven't heard anything like that before. 'you cant see the light in the end of the tunnel' was a little cliche... one thing to try to avoid is typical, every day phrases. Light at the end of a tunnel is a very common saying.

Okay. I also have a few helpful suggestions, which you don't have to use if you don't want to.

'it doesnt remind you of you anymore' would sound better as 'it doesn't seem familiar anymore', the first phrase was difficult to read aloud.

You could've used other images like 'cell' or 'prison' to capture the feeling of being shut in the bathroom; you repeated the phrase several times that it did start to lose meaning.

Hope that helps.