Toxins of Indifference

Placing my slipping sanity under the glass up on trial
you gave me the feign feeling of compassion, empathy.
Then with a laugh, you ripped it away mercilessly,
a push to send me spinning and spiraling into denial.

The nurses dragged me, weeping and pleading,
as you stood by, apathy leaking from every pore.
Your toxins of indifference choking my cries,
and gassing my brain into a frantic needing.

Padded walls only lessen the bruising from seeking,
needing that release, the silence of the unconscience.
The cell's emptiness only amplifies and echoes the voices,
a broken record of hate and pain I blindly smashed.

You finally saw me this last visit,
laying witness to my self-inflicted torment.
Although my hands never left my bleeding ears,
and my bloodshot eyes never opened,
I saw you strut out, a chuckle escaping from your lips.

That chuckle, an upchuck of evil, rang in my mind,
telling me that the voices weren't my own, but yours.
Something snapped that night, my love, a cord,
leaving a ragged scar, whipping back in record time.

With a hidden pen, a stolen key, a vendetta to serve,
escaping was a breeze smelling of the blood on my shirt.
The moon weeping as my shadow crossed over the wire,
my hands lathered in red, anger overflowing hidden reserves.

The stars twinkle in feeble light as I sit here under our bridge,
Do you remeber the nights, the kisses, the whispered nothings?
Back in the time when my sobs were vices on your heart,
back when my spilled blood wasn't your choice wine.

You will finally read this before my visit,
the lives murdered in your name will return,
as my mutterings in your ear, branding souls.
How does it feel to know?

Tell me what you think. CRIT4CRIT, of course.

I love this, it's fantastic. I was especially drawn to 'Padded walls only lessen the bruising from seeking, needing that release, the silence of the unconscience'.

I did notice that there was just one stanza which had five lines, where as the others had four. Was that intentional? If it wasn't, it spoils the structure a little. There's a technique called enjambment, which means instead of stopping a sentence at the end of a stanza, it is carried on into the next. I think your poetry would benefit greatly from this, because I get the feeling you have so much to say, and restrictions really limit you.

Hope that helps. Awesome poem.

Thanks. I see what you're saying, I've written some stuff like that. I actually wrote this as a song, so I had to place some restrictions and set up a strict rhyming meter and structure. Yeah, that verse was intentional to be like that. I didn't want all of it to be exactly the same, had to put a little variation in there, not enough to throw it seriously off, just enough to spice it up. Is it really a distraction though? If so, I can probably fix that. You know, I have posted this in a few places, and you are the first person to even mention that. You have some eye. Thanks. Anything I can look at for you?

Aaah, that's okay. If it's lyrics then it does need to follow a stricter rhyming pattern; you do need to set limitations. In that case then, my previous comment about uniform structure isn't really that relevant.

As lyrics, they're complex enough to appeal to us writers, but incorporate imagery that everyone can reach and appriciate. I'm looking forward to reading more from you.