Behind Proctor's Eyes.

Don't ask, don't tell.



The incendiary pretending of the martyr
who sold his soul for a lie.
The frozen baptised foetuses come
to life after an ill-fated abortion.

It is all a pretence.

I sit on the rock, cross-legged and anorexic.
My heart still relentlessly beating out
the pathetically quiet I am; I am; I am.

Fear is such a devious feast
and you all fear I and my parables
that portrays nothing. You are afraid
of a timid sprite like me!

And I thought you reigned supreme.
Oh human master, so attentive to my almost
invisible touch.

My translucent skin and star-coloured hair
seems to be a dream or some
roaming piece of escaped imagination.

I exist, just.

You eye my vivid scars and it was your species
that caused them. Oh, you wince but it is a fraud!
You signed for my vivisection.

My wings are splattered with transparent body fluids.
I was my own worst enemy,
but you even took that from my grasp;
with that gaudy instrument you immortalised me
in ecstasy for your own pleasure.


You are pretending to be God,
but you are acting like a demented
soul destined for Hell.

Good luck, human. You will need my
goodbye kiss.
Even though you despise the thought of
me touching you of my own free will.

You are a poor misguided whore.

..my god.

You're bloody fantastic. I want you and your poetry.


K, so I thought it was amazing.

'You brought be to point of ecstasy to
just find if you have found the cure
for the cancer that infiltrated your
precious body.'

'Be should be 'me'. Just to point out. The image there was absolutely beautiful, but the sentence in which is was posed read rather awkwardly. Not too sure what you could change it to yet... I'm not wearing my writers hat.

'I sit on the rock, cross-legged and anorexic.'
^

'You are pretending to be God
but you are acting like a demented
soul destined for Hell.'
^ I think that ttheselines would've benefited from a comma being placed after God, to allow the reader to pause for longer.

Your poetry always reminds me of Doctor Who.

Ginger Nuts:

'You brought be to point of ecstasy to
just find if you have found the cure
for the cancer that infiltrated your
precious body.'

'Be should be 'me'. Just to point out. The image there was absolutely beautiful, but the sentence in which is was posed read rather awkwardly. Not too sure what you could change it to yet... I'm not wearing my writers hat.

'I sit on the rock, cross-legged and anorexic.'
^

'You are pretending to be God
but you are acting like a demented
soul destined for Hell.'
^ I think that ttheselines would've benefited from a comma being placed after God, to allow the reader to pause for longer.

Your poetry always reminds me of Doctor Who.

thanks! I do write with a sonic screwdriver in hand.

Hmm, I like the idea of the pause.

I had alotta trouble with that part. I'll need to reword it but I dunno waht to yet.

EDIT: I changed it a bit, better?

zomg yes. Its perfect.

"My translucent skin and star-coloured hair
seems to be a dream or some
roaming piece of escaped imagination. " I love those lines.

And the last line. *is a poor misguided whore*

This is amazing. You are now one of my favorite poets on here, congrats. There were only a few small things-

In the third verse, it's great, I just really didn't like the use of the exclamation point. I think there's a better way to get across the absurdity of their fear, rather than having it exclamated. It seemed strange and out of place with the rest, messing up the flow.


The last full verse: In line 1, human seemed out of place and really simple, almost too simple. I would try to find a better word to describe the person the poem is directed at.

BTW, I loved the last line. I laughed so hard I nearly woke my sister up. It's a perfect ending. Great job, man.