Emily Kaulitz
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 5014
  | January 5th, 2007 at 03:37pm You better back off of me,
Cause you see..
It's not about you,
It's about me.
You better get your hand off me,
Because I don't care if you agree.
Do you really have to whine?
Without you I'll be just fine...
Come on baby just leave me alone,
Because I don't want you, oh no I don't.
Go ahead and hit on me,
But you better get your hand on off me, you see.
You don't want to mess with me,
Ha, because you see....
I don't care if you plea.
I snicker and drive off into the night,
I guess you didn't put up a good enough fight...
I just wrote it.
The Donna's inspired me to write it.
Ick. It was my first one ever and I felt like posting it. |
Emily Kaulitz
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 5014
| January 8th, 2007 at 03:43am No one likes it? |
PhotoBoy.
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 24 | January 9th, 2007 at 01:18pm Ok, you have a good idea.
+ this is your 'first one ever'.
[I'm guessing this means poem ??]
It was all right for a first try, but you REALLY need to expand on your verses/stanzas.
The idea for this is great, you just need to work at it a bit more, you know ??
The rhyming needs a bt of work.
The rhymes are good. It's just the words you used to rhyme were sorta bit boring.
Like, instead of using me, see, me, see all the time, maybe try getting some longer words ?? They could still have the same 'e' ending, but just be a little more interesting...
It is a great beginning, just needs to be progressed.
Work at it, + you could have a flippin' brilliant piece of work there.
x] |
