DudeO
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2543
 | January 12th, 2007 at 04:44pm Adrenaline pumping through my veins, and it's about to spill,
the apprehensive thoughts are my energetic thrill.
The tension and the patience, a smile of suspense
Ready to be washed with joy with pain at my expense
Astonished at the sudden jocund feeling in my mind,
and the hurt that I feel's so little as my emptiness unwinds
A moment, and I jump back, and realize what I've done...
I've started a personal life long war- by defeating only one. |
josh_oliday23
Geek
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 267 | January 13th, 2007 at 10:54pm Very nice. I liked the one stanza octave thing going on there. The rhymes felt smooth but the lines just felt a bit long, I just couldn't get a rhythm going in my head. I really liked the last line though. |
Too Much Eyeliner
Jackass
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 1297
| January 14th, 2007 at 12:07am I agree with Josh_Oliday. You seriously took the words right out of my mouth. |
