sailor spaikae!
Jackass
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 1047
  | January 13th, 2007 at 09:57pm Society's a broken dream,
Stained and tainted by the hand of man,
Hearts fade and wither,
Igniting immortal souls.
Captured in the midst of peril,
Darkness transcends upon the world,
Smothering the wretched and innocent alike,
A powerful concoction, a blanket of anxiety.
Hidden underground, beneath the terror,
A fire glows, burning passionately,
Fallen embers of inspiration lay wasted on the concrete,
Apathy demolished yet another great empire.
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max is a hottie*83
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 29 | January 22nd, 2007 at 08:39pm i think it is very good!! |
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161 | January 24th, 2007 at 02:23pm The imagery I immediately noticed was the connection between 'blanket' and 'smothering'. I'm not sure why, but I especially loved how you linked those. I love how you never seem to repeat yourself, but manage to express a similar point so differently throughout the poem.  |
sailor spaikae!
Jackass
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 1047
| January 26th, 2007 at 07:29pm Wow, thank you both.
Ellen, it's such a compliment to get a comment from such an accomplished poet. Thanks so much. |
