Fall
| Author | Message |
|---|---|
| rage;love;clark Geek  Age: - Gender: - Posts: 494 | She wastes away and tells herself She left her heart up on the shelf He hung his hat on Saturn’s rings Among all of the shiny things Why can’t these two be the queen and king? Her mind is all caught up in lies A tragic heartfelt slow demise His words can sting like fire He has nothing she requires But she’ll keep going higher and higher She’s going to fall, fall, fall To the ground, ground, ground She’s been lost, lost lost But never found, found found I can’t tell you why she cares He looks away and is never there He only thinks about his gain Not how he can cause this pain But her love for him will never wane He can spit on her face She will call it divine grace She licks his boots to make them clean And all he does is make her scream It’s almost like she’s no human being She’s going to fall, fall, fall To the ground, ground, ground She’s been lost, lost lost But never found, found found |
| the new pollution. Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie Age: - Gender: - Posts: 18 | Erm. The rhyming feels forced, and...it's a kind of confusing poem to say the least because you made yourself choose words that rhyme easily. Work on your word choices. And repeating the last words in each of the lines of the chorus three times makes it really awkward to read. Repeating words works better when you get to hear it as it's being sung. Try fixing this one up, make sure the story that's being told flows properly just like an actual story would, and branch out a little. Pull the reader in. Not bad though. |
| miau King For A Couple Of Days  Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 4469 | I don't like how you repeat the words three times. Except from that I think it's okay. |
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