Ambiance
| Author | Message |
|---|---|
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days  Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451  | Ambiance An essence of a view imbedded in night, Wrapped with flickers of steel grey light, Stirs restlessly behind the iris. Shade tossed through the soul by icy breezes Paints a landscape where everything freezes And crumbles into nothingness. This image upon my retina is an illustration From the plains becoming a manifestation That erases the borders. The line grows thinner, it seems to fade, The world and the mind mix in a cascade Of confusion swirling so swiftly. The wintry scene lacking luminosity that I see Tangles with the mood of mine to some degree And I cannot tear them apart. Perhaps what my eyes catch cannot leave Or their outlook may cause the land grieve. I seem to be out of answers. If there ever was a difference it’s deceased Or perhaps the similarities simply increased. In any case my worlds collided. Just for the record, “ambiance” can mean both “mood” and “environment”  |
| Peter Petrelli King For A Couple Of Days  Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 4161 | Interesting rhyme scheme, and I love how you pulled it off without sounding forced or awkward. Especially clever how you took 'ambiance' to mean two different things, so the poem can be interpretted in even more ways than one. Think I especially liked 'The wintry scene lacking luminosity that I see Tangles with the mood of mine to some degree And I cannot tear them apart'. Those lines were very simply poetic, without being overfed and spoilt. |
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451 | |
| lyrical_mess Falling In Love With The Board  Age: 33 Gender: Female Posts: 5278  | |
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451 | Thanks. *nods* That was one reason I wrote it. Thank you  Oh, Swedish. But I’ve studied English in school since I was nine, so it’s like my second language (almost). |
| I Am So Beautiful! FUCK! Jackass  Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 1019 | |
| the new pollution. Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie  Age: - Gender: - Posts: 18 | |
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451 |  You can’t possible know this since you’re new but I’ve been posting poetry here for about three years now and I’ve been writing (seriously) since I was fourteen. I wrote my first poem when I was eight. Not in any way is this my first poem or a start. I usually don’t write rhyming poems due to the restrictions but this time I did.What about the rhyming is forced? Why is it out of place? I rarely count syllables in my poems regardless of how I write “ rhyming or free verse. What about the poem do you feel is unoriginal? I Am So Beautiful! FUCK!: Thanks dear! |
| sexx laws. Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie Age: - Gender: - Posts: 74 | What's in a name?: How does this pertain to the subject? Just because you have written all your life does not mean every one of them will be fabulous work of art. There is always room for improvement. If you do not accept that fact, your writing will suffer. |
| Zoie Falling In Love With The Board Age: 32 Gender: Female Posts: 6370 | |
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451 | Thanks Zoie  . I wasn’t sure about the rhyming either since I don’t use rhyming schemes a lot but I think it turned out ok.To sexx laws.: sexx laws.: the new pollution tolled me that this poem was a good start and I merely pointed out to him/her that it wasn’t my first and therefore not a start. Simple. And I didn’t imply that all I do is fabulous. If you didn’t notice I actually asked the new pollution a few questions about his/her post so that I would know more precisely what he/she felt could be improved. If you look closely at the bolded parts below you will notice that I only explain that it’s not my first poem and that I actually want to know what could be improved. Constructive criticism is not only to point out “errors” but also to give some tips on how to do instead. It’s also more helpful if a person is as precise as possible. =] the new pollution.: What's in a name?: |
| wait_what Geek Age: 38 Gender: Female Posts: 411 | |
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451 | I’m glad you do =]. I know, I didn’t search for words to rhyme with and my vocabulary is a bit limited so therefore some rhymes are rather simple (sometimes I wish English was my native language  ). Perhaps the flow gets a bit off depending on how you read the poem? IDK.  Thanks |
| wait_what Geek Age: 38 Gender: Female Posts: 411 | What's in a name?: Sometimes, simple rhymes are the best way to depict a certain feeling/emotion/image/etc. in a rhyming poem. Like I said, it doesn't really take away from your poem. And hey, be glad that you can speak very well in English, and still have YOUR native language. Most natural-born english speakers aren't bilingual. What's in a name?: That could be... or it could be my underexposure to the world of rhyming poetry. The poems that do rhyme that I read/study have a typical rhyme scheme that generally follows the ABAB CDCD EFEF etc./ AABB CCDD etc. schemes. Yours doesn't. That makes it more unique. But it just makes it difficult for me to understand because I'm being thrown off by the extra line that doesn't rhyme. |
| What's in a name? King For A Couple Of Days Age: 36 Gender: Female Posts: 2451 | Yeah, I know. Thanks =] I am glad, trust me. Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes things would be easier if English was my native language, but I like the language I have and wouldn’t want things to be different.  Aha, *nods* that could be it. I never really think about how poetry usually is written, especially not the rhyming ones, even though I read a lot of them. I just write how I like. No wonder it gets confusing =P |
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