You are Perfect

You had to spend a lifetime of darkness
in order to find a split second of your red rosy cheeks
flustered under the hard labors of the heart. Your lips blistered
as the sky came crashing down. Your voice
was almost inaudible as it crooked out
the last passages that
you swore you’d never tell.

I stood in the cloud as the
snowflakes circled around. I looked everywhere,
but all I could ever see was you.

Your head hung low and
whispers escaped, but they were so faint
that they dissipated in the wind.

I watched you both crash through the city
with a mind to find a better pastime.
But the preface was always too much
for you.
I saw the slap the footprints imprinted.
I heard the words- too harsh for
someone like you.

I wish I could say that
I was always there, but truth be told,
the chains and shackles kept
me far away.

Not all clouds can count to nine.

It had been many years, but I still remember.
My eyes were downcast during
those years, yearning to
see the faint smile- the beautiful chandelier
formidably hanging for all to speculate and revere.
But your lights had long since burnt out. The dust hung
deep.

I realized that I wasn’t your ticket.

If you gathered all your
hopes and dreams
of pleasures and
burned them away,
you could become
yourself.

Well, this is something different to your usual style, particularly your structure.
'I realized that I wasn’t your ticket', I thought that line was really clever - the writer sees themselves as inadequate to the person they're describing, and cares about them so much they'll just allow themselves to be used as a way for the other to find happiness. That's what I got from the poem, anyway.

But I couldn't help but me mesmerised by
'I stood in the cloud as the
snowflakes circled around. I looked everywhere,
but all I could ever see was you.

Your head hung low and
whispers escaped, but they were so faint
that they dissipated in the wind'.

^I thought those lines were so hauntingly beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous.

Yes. I took a very long time with the structure. Typically, I don't pay any mind to structure so much as just getting the poem down. But with this one, I wrote the poem out first, just like a long narrative type thing, and then carefully broke it apart to tie to convey the meaning of the poem (to me, by the way) more fully.

Thanks for the compliments.

I really like it and I’m jealous of you. This poem feels so effortless and yet it’s awesome. I loved the singled out lines (Not all clouds can count to nine. /I realized that I wasn’t your ticket.). I thought they were pretty neat.

The way you put words together is just fantastic. I think this poem is very beautiful and not just because of the use of pretty words, like most pretty poems. It’s more the very poem itself that’s gorgeous (if that makes any sense to you). Anyway I think it’s great, nicely done!

Pfft. Don't be jealous of me. I'm jealous of you!

Anyway, it definitely was NOT effortless to write this beast. This, poem, seriously, took me the longest time to write. I'll give you a little idea into it... it's a response to someone's writings.

And I think I understand what you're saying.

<3

Oh, c’mon! English is my second language, I mean, how good can I be?

I figured that much but it’s just the feeling I get when I read it. Like it’s not forced at all.

Good ^_^

<3