My Peom

Death is a privlage not everyone dies!

Everything was going smoothly.........

Then it all just fell apart..........

Now everything is going badly......

until you came around...................

When you came........

You made it worse..................

Why did you even have to come............

You killed the bastards..................

You slept with the sluts...................

You had sex with the idiots............

And ate a gun..............

You murdered all the smart people.....

And slept with all the stupid ones........

But how is there a choice.......

beteween knowing what you've done.........

And how to hold a gun.............

Not many people say this to a bitch like yourself.....

But I'll be one of those not many people......

To say...........

Skrew Yourself................

You act like a child......

Then brag and bost.....

You keep on making my life hell........

With every word you spoke..........

Then when you stopped speaking....

My life went down the drain........

You dumped my ashs.....

into the river and never set foot there again........

You poured me out........

Like a was old water..........

You treated me like I was nothing but someone you had once slottered....

What did I do to desreve this treament.............

To were you abuse and beat...............

Me like I'm just red cedar............

I'm sorry for the lies and for the misunderstanding......

But I'll never call your name in a time with understanding........

You hated the fact that I didn't love you.....

So bosted and bragged that I was the one to force sex apon you!

So stop with all the lies and figments

Your not the one I've loved.

You may be the one who's lost it all...........

But that won't change my quate...........

Liars and Losers all collect life togather.........

Cheaters and Beaters are were you belong......

You cheated on my sister just to be with me........

But when you lied you expected me to die...........

But I'm still here..............

So you murdered the bastards....

And slept with the sluts..........

And ate a gun........

I'm sorry but it's not happening..........

I'm not having my baby with you!

A sad poem about a young girl raped and beaten...........The girl decided to run away and have a child with someone else who's brother had murdered her sister and killed her brother...........

Needs work, and more metaphorical sentences.
It has a good idea.
And you will also have to work on who you structure your poem.
With grammar, spelling, the way you place the lines etc.
Stuff like that.
But I love the idea.
I'm a fan of poems about murder and such.

It needs work... Sorry to say... A lot.
Use some metaphors.
I agree with Kerplunk Girl. It does have a good idea to it, but it needs some improvement. Grammar, and word spacing especially.
Keep trying. I suspect you have a lot of determination in you, and that would make for excellent poems. You just need to bring out that innner poet in you. Shape and mould your gift into something only you can create. And can only be expressed through writing.