Cloud Nine

The main criticisms that I have are that you tend to repeat your images several times throughout the poem - like heroin, and you could've portrayed bliss without refering to the physical word so much.

But I really liked your interpretation of the topic, how you can take bliss from drugs but it'll be so much worse when you come back down. I thought it had a lot of potential, but in my opinion a few lines would benefit from being re-drafted.

Your rhyming is really good, but a tad bit confusing when it's changed. I'm not sure if I like the whole idea of calling it cloud 9 and whatnot... I mean, it does work for the poem, but at the same time sounds a bit trite.

You repeat words quite a bit, and that takes away from your poem.

While I disagree with the topic your poem addresses, I do feel that you convey a good interpretation of it. However, I would try more of the show, don't tell thing.

Describe the drug instead of just saying it. That way, you can get more metaphors and imagery out of it.

You did good, but it still needs just a bit of work.

I like it. It's not bad. At first I thought the rhyme scheme was going to be that the last line was something with the word heroin in it but I see that changed. Um, grammar is good and such. However, you didn't use puncuation marks. Not that it's totally needed but it's not a bad idea. Not sure what else to say. Not the best but not the worst.

Still good and keep it up. =]

'Shallow apathy, a hardened fake
Nothing matters but the needle
My biggest mistake'

I didn't like the bolded line that much, it sounds cliché to me.

the ending was also pretty average.
there's definitely room for improvement.
keep writing.