The Doctor
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 8786
  | March 15th, 2007 at 03:29pm Random idea I thought i'd try out
A mirror crackles and
bleeds down the walls and soaks the
carpet a silvery red.
Does the devil lurking inside
ever escape, ever
feel like defeat?
God has no fears, no
haphazard
insanity to declare.
Juxtaposition of my lunar
king, the Moon so
lupine tonight, yet his
marriage has
no attributes to my unlucky
opal soul.
Poison so clear but not to be seen by my
Queen Sun and her
radiant hair of fire.
She knows nothing of
true depression or of the
utopian ideals in the
velvet noose or
wordless poems of
x-rays emitted by
yttrium. I am only
zealous in suicide. |
Ex.Of.A.Freak.-TCD
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 87
Gender: Female
Posts: 5844
| March 15th, 2007 at 03:46pm Wow... O__O
That's really good.. REALLY good..
Juxtaposition of my lunar
Just a question... was that supposed to be "just"?
Beautiful poem. I loved it. |
FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 2921
| March 16th, 2007 at 02:31pm Mutilating Insanity:Juxtaposition of my lunar
Just a question... was that supposed to be "just"? I know you asked her, but...juxtaposition is a word.
1.an act or instance of placing close together or side by side, esp. for comparison or contrast.
2.the state of being close together or side by side.
-----
Anyway, you never cease to amaze me, Joan. Your imagery...  Just one suggestion,
A mirror crackles and
bleeds down the walls and soaks the
carpet a silvery red.
I think you could get ride of the first and; it kind of makes it sound a bit lengthy or something. |
Ex.Of.A.Freak.-TCD
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 87
Gender: Female
Posts: 5844
| March 16th, 2007 at 03:25pm FCPSITSGEPGEPGEPanda:Mutilating Insanity:Juxtaposition of my lunar
Just a question... was that supposed to be "just"? I know you asked her, but...juxtaposition is a word.
1.an act or instance of placing close together or side by side, esp. for comparison or contrast.
2.the state of being close together or side by side.
-----
Anyway, you never cease to amaze me, Joan. Your imagery... Just one suggestion,
A mirror crackles and
bleeds down the walls and soaks the
carpet a silvery red.
I think you could get ride of the first and; it kind of makes it sound a bit lengthy or something. Oh. =] Thank you. And yes.. I agree. Take out the first and. |
Peter Petrelli
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 4161 | March 18th, 2007 at 07:15am Insanely gorgeous. At times it felt a little choppier than some of your other pieces, but here your talent for imagery really shone through. You really are one of the best poets here at the moment, you know I hold your work against Sylvia Plath.
But I both disagree and agree with Panda and Mutilating Insanity. I think the second 'and' gives it a kind of rushed, frenetic feeling, but at the same time it does feel a little lengthy.
'She knows nothing of
true depression or of the
utopian ideals in the
velvet noose or
wordless poems of
x-rays emitted by
yttrium. I am only
zealous in suicide.'
^Those had to be my favourite lines. There was something beautifully technical about them, sort of mechanical which I loved.  |
wait_what
Geek
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 411
| March 18th, 2007 at 11:55am I really love it, and I agree with Tabby... I like the first 'and' in that line.
I really love the first stanza. It is so powerful and just sets up the poem to be something great right off the bat. You come through with it really well.
I do have one question, though. Maybe it's just because I'm stil kind of sleepy, but I'm confused as to what is being juxtaposed against the "lunar king". Is it God's insanity? Or the lupid moon? |
