Depression

Depression
It feels as though a massive weight is pressing down on your chest, waiting for it to collapse.
Thoughts of suicide- how to do it, when to do it, where to do it, who would care?
Crying every night into your pillow until it’s soggy.
Barely getting enough of what you could call sleep.
Purple-gray bags under your eyes.
This emotional rollercoaster of depression and mania had taken over my mind.
Wanting to scream at the top of your lungs to the world, but no one wants to listen.
Other times, not wanting to speak at all.
It seems as though your mouth has forgotten how to form words.
Pain too much to bear.
Strangling you until you give in to that sweet calling of mercy.
Hanging on to life by a frayed rope,
Something that used to be strong, but has fallen apart.
Edgy all the time, wanting to bite off whosever’s head that asks you what’s wrong.
Closing up like a turtle into your own little world, where all the thoughts are your own.
All the problems you deal with in there are yours.
Always wondering what happens after you cut it short.
Is it nice?
Are you free from all the suffering that this lead?
No one knows the answer… until its too late.

Well...

You REALLY need to work on structure, and shortening sentences.

Use some metaphors too, please.

You've got talent though. A seed, if you will. Just give it time to blossom.

Strangling you until you give in to that sweet calling of mercy.

I liked that. Very nice.

"Closing up like a turtle into your own little world, where all the thoughts are your own."
i love that line =)
but i agree... you should try shortening your sentences.

i loved everything about it. it was very good. but u could use a little bit of work on your structure. but please...Keep Writing!!!

Nightmares.xx:

"Closing up like a turtle into your own little world, where all the thoughts are your own."
i love that line =)
but i agree... you should try shortening your sentences.

well, I can't spend too much time on this
but I have to say you need a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTT of work
NOW THAT ISN'T A BAD THING
it just means you need work
like that line was one of the few lines that even suggested this was a poem
instead of doing this whole poem, if you want to get out that you hold everything in for protection, just use the turtle image/metaphor for an entire stanza and build on it
it helps to explore your emotions, it's very poetic (and easy when you get the hang of it) and it's TERRIFIC therapy