Breathing Space

Monsters brings panic in
bottomless opaque vials
and pours the innards aimlessly
upon the earth like a
thick gas suffocating innocence and
intelligence like so many
Jews in the cleansing area.

Metamorphic gods of Hell
scented with tantalising traces
of regrets and memories
half-forgotten, half-hidden
beneath a pallid exterior of
the marble cold mind.

A shrill scream punctuates the
gases' soundless syllables.
Light trickles through the
acidic barricade that you
created between you
and I.

The walls and floors rise and fall
through their steady breathing patterns
as in turn they drown and annihilate
my motiation.

The moon screeches in sympathy;
his mouth open as wide as
a blackhole. No light escapes
as the stars melt and drip to
the void beyond everything.

The screaming halts as I realise
I am being pulled into the hell-pit
myself.

I have no fear of death but of
consequences. I cannot let my
feet go diving into serenity
leaving all chaos - that I created -
behind. This is why I am struggling-
breath to breath with
the walls,
the moon
and everything,
pulsing away
like the heartbeat
of Satan.

Drooping eyelids speak of release
but the blackness talks of
guilt, never ceasing
or pausing
for breath.

Unlike
my weak self.

For some reason I get goosebumps whenever I read or witness something amazing, and I got them more than once throughout that poem.

And now to break the monotonous compliment-giving procedure:

Radical, man!

One criticism - at times your sentences felt a little lengthy, and became excessively difficult to read at the beginning. But overall, I really liked it. Mainly because I've read poetry that relates in some way to the Holocaust, but has felt very overly cliched. This was really well written. Good job.

I especially liked the 'drooping eyelids' line.

I've read a lot of holocaust stories and peoms. While this one was good, it wasn't great. But that's probably because I've read more in this area.

I'm also not very keen on this stanza:

I have no fear of death but of
consequences. I cannot let my
feet go diving into serenity
leaving all chaos - that I created -
behind. This is why I am struggling-
breath to breath with
the walls,
the moon
and everything,
pulsing away
like the heartbeat
of Satan.

But at the same time, if you took it out, the poem would just be... off. So, I don't know. I'm the only one that's said anything about it, so feel free to ignore it.

I really like the first stanza, though. I just have a bit of a problem with the first line: Monsters brings panic in

It's grammatically incorrect. It needs to be either Monster brings panic in or Monsters bring panic in. But that's just my grammar nazi side coming, through... No pun intended...

Good job!

This was unbelievably wonderful. The voice, the images, the words. Everything about it was just perfect.