PaNcAkEs
Jackass
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1808
 | April 22nd, 2007 at 09:10am pulling tags, raising flags
commercial flights to countries far
darkend eyes, blurred vision
taken by their decisions
make believe and the rush hour
holding us strong and still
working late and not getting paid
tis like whoring only never truly getting laid
bone structure failing
the cold metal railing
muscular status failing
obscene e-mailing
sickness of appendicitis
viral infections,
turning blind...
ultra violet giving vitamin D
plastic bags around the scenes
loss of vital information
the phone went dead
pulling tags, raising flags
unholy quests to the grocery store
darkened eyes, blurred vision
hold onto your contacts, baby
cause this aint over yet. |
PONED
Geek
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 257 | April 22nd, 2007 at 01:37pm it was good! but i couldn't find a steady rhyme pattern
pulling tags, raising flags
commercial flights to countries far
darkend eyes, blurred vision
taken by their decisions
and
pulling tags, raising flags
unholy quests to the grocery store
darkened eyes, blurred vision
hold onto your contacts, baby
cause this aint over yet.
unless it was meant to be that way.. i dunno
But it was still very good. Please keep writing. u got talent! |
PaNcAkEs
Jackass
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1808
| April 22nd, 2007 at 01:49pm yay, actually, the last verse was supposed to be like that. Its very sweet of you to say that *hugs* |
PONED
Geek
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 257 | April 22nd, 2007 at 01:54pm no problem. you really do have talent! |
PaNcAkEs
Jackass
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1808
| April 22nd, 2007 at 02:12pm thats very sweey of you, and it means alot to me that you always comment on whatever i post, thats also very sweet of you, thank you |
wait_what
Geek
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 411
 | April 22nd, 2007 at 03:28pm I really like it, but yeah the flow was strange. But you have a good talent for rhyming. Not many people can pull it off. Good job.  |
PaNcAkEs
Jackass
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1808
| April 23rd, 2007 at 03:13am yay, you just made my day abit better.. |
