| Author | Message |
|---|
Ex.Of.A.Freak.-TCD
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 86
Gender: Female
Posts: 5844
 | April 23rd, 2007 at 08:38pm Crystalline tears stain blood-fused cheeks,
As she watches dreams burn before her glassy eyes.
Drying up into grainy ashes,
The blackened texture stains calloused fingertips daring to touch it.
Her hands are shaking,
The dust of failure falling gently to the ground,
Mixing with the different broken hearts that lay scattered- useless;
All fallen from within the chests of others,
Having kissed their former selves goodbye.
But we were already vacant of emotion when they left.
Why should we care?
We care, because it’s all we ever really cared about.
To lose ourselves within the power of words so compelling-
Violent, gentle, hurtful, soothing..
It would be such a painful pleasure.
Not one such as this.
Not one such as being ripped away from the only thing that kept you alive.
Life is such a tragic helper,
Giving opportunities in the cruelest ways.
But no matter how awful, you must seize them,
Or they will slip through your fingers like a fish through water,
And you will never get another chance;
Just as I was such a fool as to let mine slip away.
:::
Crit. is always welcome.
Comment away. <3
-TCD |
PONED
Geek
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 257 | April 23rd, 2007 at 09:15pm is a comment really necessary?? you are an amazing poet and you have great creativity. and this poem just proved that you are even a more amazing poet that anyone could dream of being.
Her hands are shaking,
The dust of failure falling gently to the ground,
Mixing with the different broken hearts that lay scattered- useless;
All fallen from within the chests of others,
Having kissed their former selves goodbye.
that part gave me the chills. i felt a powerful feeling inside me.
this was amazing. awesome job!  |
Ex.Of.A.Freak.-TCD
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 86
Gender: Female
Posts: 5844
| April 23rd, 2007 at 10:08pm xHeartache To Singx:is a comment really necessary?? you are an amazing poet and you have great creativity. and this poem just proved that you are even a more amazing poet that anyone could dream of being.
Her hands are shaking,
The dust of failure falling gently to the ground,
Mixing with the different broken hearts that lay scattered- useless;
All fallen from within the chests of others,
Having kissed their former selves goodbye.
that part gave me the chills. i felt a powerful feeling inside me.
this was amazing. awesome job! Wow.. thank you. So much.
I'm.. glad you enjoyed it so much.
Thank you, once again. |
Inari
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 2538 | April 24th, 2007 at 05:50am 
Wow. This is so incredibly beautiful. |
folkin' around.
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 3243 | April 24th, 2007 at 12:22pm Ex.Of.A.Freak.-TCD:Crystalline tears stain blood-fused cheeks,
As she watches dreams burn before her glassy eyes.
Drying up into grainy ashes,
The blackened texture stains calloused fingertips daring to touch it.
Her hands are shaking,
The dust of failure falling gently to the ground,
Mixing with the different broken hearts that lay scattered- useless;
All fallen from within the chests of others,
Having kissed their former selves goodbye.
I picked these two stanzas out because I thought that
some of the words or lines were a little cliché. But maybe that's just a personal preference?
The rest is absolutely beautiful. Actually, the poem is very beautiful and powerful as a whole.
I give in a 9 out of 10. Good job. |
Ex.Of.A.Freak.-TCD
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 86
Gender: Female
Posts: 5844
| April 24th, 2007 at 01:45pm Inari:
Wow. This is so incredibly beautiful. You. o_o Again.
Thank you, so much... That means a lot.
-TCD |
Ex.Of.A.Freak.-TCD
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 86
Gender: Female
Posts: 5844
| April 24th, 2007 at 01:50pm Beverly.:Ex.Of.A.Freak.-TCD:Crystalline tears stain blood-fused cheeks,
As she watches dreams burn before her glassy eyes.
Drying up into grainy ashes,
The blackened texture stains calloused fingertips daring to touch it.
Her hands are shaking,
The dust of failure falling gently to the ground,
Mixing with the different broken hearts that lay scattered- useless;
All fallen from within the chests of others,
Having kissed their former selves goodbye.
I picked these two stanzas out because I thought that
some of the words or lines were a little cliché. But maybe that's just a personal preference?
The rest is absolutely beautiful. Actually, the poem is very beautiful and powerful as a whole.
I give in a 9 out of 10. Good job. That's perfectly alright. My only question is, though, where do you see the clichés happening? If I was to guess, I'd say you were looking at the first 3 lines of the second stanza. But that's just an opinionated guess. And no.. it's not meant to be a personal preference, but most of the time, when writing about topics that matter a great deal to me, it happens.
Thank you.
Wow.. a 9? Haha. Well, I'll have to try a little harder next time.
Thank you, so much.
It means a lot.
-TCD |
folkin' around.
King For A Couple Of Days
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 3243 | April 24th, 2007 at 03:21pm Ex.Of.A.Freak.-TCD:Beverly.:Ex.Of.A.Freak.-TCD:Crystalline tears stain blood-fused cheeks,
As she watches dreams burn before her glassy eyes.
Drying up into grainy ashes,
The blackened texture stains calloused fingertips daring to touch it.
Her hands are shaking,
The dust of failure falling gently to the ground,
Mixing with the different broken hearts that lay scattered- useless;
All fallen from within the chests of others,
Having kissed their former selves goodbye.
I picked these two stanzas out because I thought that
some of the words or lines were a little cliché. But maybe that's just a personal preference?
The rest is absolutely beautiful. Actually, the poem is very beautiful and powerful as a whole.
I give in a 9 out of 10. Good job. That's perfectly alright. My only question is, though, where do you see the clichés happening? If I was to guess, I'd say you were looking at the first 3 lines of the second stanza. But that's just an opinionated guess. And no.. it's not meant to be a personal preference, but most of the time, when writing about topics that matter a great deal to me, it happens.
Thank you.
Wow.. a 9? Haha. Well, I'll have to try a little harder next time.
Thank you, so much.
It means a lot.
-TCD
By personal preference I meant as in myself.
You were right, the 3rd line in the second stanza and this line,
Crystalline tears stain blood-fused cheeks.
Everytime I read something with tears or blood my mind goes
directly to cliché but I have to stop that. Reading it over again
I realized you didn't use it in a cliché way (e.g., As she slit her wrist, her
blood sped down her left arm.)
But, again maybe it was just my personal preference.
I really did like your poem a lot.
You got your message across with passion, and you can tell through your words.
Once again good job. :] |
Ex.Of.A.Freak.-TCD
Falling In Love With The Board
Age: 86
Gender: Female
Posts: 5844
| April 25th, 2007 at 12:48pm Beverly.:By personal preference I meant as in myself.
You were right, the 3rd line in the second stanza and this line,
Crystalline tears stain blood-fused cheeks.
Everytime I read something with tears or blood my mind goes
directly to cliché but I have to stop that. Reading it over again
I realized you didn't use it in a cliché way (e.g., As she slit her wrist, her
blood sped down her left arm.)
But, again maybe it was just my personal preference.
I really did like your poem a lot.
You got your message across with passion, and you can tell through your words.
Once again good job. :]
Ahh... sorry about that.
And yeah.. most of the time I do that too.. but you have to notice the way people decribe them. That helps to decide whether or not it's used in a cliché way.
Yes, it probably was.
And thank you!
-TCD |
