...and then what will happen?

Help me make this better.


Crash into beauty as
loud as a
steam engine, but
as gentle as a
fragile mermaid.

Let the fantasies wrap around
your heart and take hold
of your insignificance. Baptize
and purify yourself in the seas.

The sea flows into the oceans and with it
run the remembrances…
The ocean floods with memories-
be sure to make a lasting one so the
air can whisper it to the sun-

breathing low in the dimming
horizon
next to the cascade of
wonder.

Place your mind on the peak
of a mountain and look at your world
with mystery and deep intelligence-
it will depart much too quickly…

the sunset will fade away into black space.
the ocean will dry up into a war-ridden wasteland.
the mountain will fall victim to the impending
ugliness of the world and will rise so high
above- no one
will quite understand
how stunning the crags once were.

Collide into beauty-
and you will leave such a revolting stain.

I liked the way you stopped some of the lines halfway through and then carried them onto the next line like this one
breathing low in the dimming
horizon
next to the cascade of
wonder.

I can't quite explain it, its like it keeps you on edge, if your reading it outload [[like i was xD]]
then by laws of speech you catch your breath for a brief moment,
and allows the reader to reflect upon what your poem is saying
I don't quite what Im tring to say here, yet it is effective nevertheless
one thing that confuses me is that Im not completly sure what your on about, if you get me
howevere having said that the last line, is a great ending and conclusion, like a final ending note
great poem x

I liked the way you stopped some of the lines halfway through and then carried them onto the next line That's actually a fairly common occurence in free verse poetry. Thanks for the compliment, though.

As for the meaning of my poem- I'm not just going to tell you what it means- that's why my poetry isn't always easy to figure out- because I don't want people to know what I felt- I want to feel something from what I wrote. The only thing I can tell you about it is this: It's my thoughts and reflections on the picture in the Writer's Circle.

I've read this quite a few times and not had the time to write a meaningful and insightful comment, and feel really awful that I haven't commented anyone's poems about my own picture.

I just love how you juxtaposition contrasting images, both as beautiful as the last. I thought it was awesome how you managed to generate something which I could find my own concise meaning in, and other may find something different.

This doesn't need help. This is beautiful how it is.