VENUS FLYTRAP REVISED

Ehh... this was *originally* meant to be read as a punk-rock song... now it can be anything, I guess. (lol particuarly 'minds me of Atreyu/AFI now. HAHAHA).
Ehh... and if anyone doesn't catch on, it's about a little girl wandering to the forest, where she finds her mom brutally, er, killed by her dad and then starts having nightmares about it all. >.<;;;;;;;

Venus Flytrap
One day
I wandered in the forest
(littlemagicalicelittlemagicalice)
Don’t you go, oh!
I saw it sitting there so pretty
Bright red plant with Christmas
Greens covered the
Lips of the leaves around her neck.

My dad he saw one day
Me and the plant ME AND THE PLANT
Nothing as worse as----
He got so damn mad, called me names and
Told me I was…. Sickkkkkk.
He told me stop this
Cause you're addicted….
I told him I won’t tell…. I won’t tell no one
I’m so scared
So-------

And well I quit a little while
Might’ve been one night….
One night I heard the
Murmur of a leaf, scratch on my door and----
Its tendrils on my pillow
WRAPPING ITS WAY AROUND MY NECK
TIGHTNING THE GRIP OF DEATH
MY HEADS ON FIRE
MY HEADS ON FIRE
I might go……..
MAD.

Remember the time I climbed to mommy’s grave
That secretsecretforestAlicedon’tgo
I always knew she was a bore
I always knew my
Father would have more in store for her
Called her whore-bag, BEAT HER

She was my venus flytrap
My every thing I held to
The red blood flecked on her face
THE RED BLOOD FLECKED ON HER FACE
Her face peeled like a PLANT IN FUCKING SEASON
HER FACE PEELED LIKE A PLANT
She was my………
She was my daddy’s secret after all……. I’d better let it
Go.

Dead End Girl:

I didn't really like it. I don't really see a flow for verses, and it's just kinda nonsensical...

Their's a lot of unnecisary words in there, like in The same one I found it

The it could be taken off. It's kinda redundant.

Ehh.... I can't honestly say I'm happy with your opinion but thank you for being honest. lol. Sooo... I revised it after you said that, though. ^^;;;;;