Real_American_Idiot
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 3 | June 27th, 2007 at 04:56pm We all fall into the eyes of the abyss.
Dark as ever we fall tell the light is gone.
We know nothing of this place.
But then we see Hitler, who was a disgrace.
So that tells me this place, the place I'm at is...HELL!!!
I have fell into Hell!!
Evil and troublesome this place is!!
I'll never survie thats the way it is!!
I am doomed, I am dead.
Now I am laid to rest.
FOREVER!!! IN HELL!!! |
Dead End Girl
Addict
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 10219 | June 29th, 2007 at 12:43am It's not particularly original.
Maybe if you make up your own metaphors instead of using cliche ones, it would make your future poems a lot better : D
Also, their's a lot of repition of the word HELL.
Anyone can use the place their describing in a sentence.
But if you find a way to describe hell without actually saying it, it makes the reader think about what your saying and interpret it in their own, unique way. |
