untitled and unfinished

AuthorMessage
indie kid
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
indie kid
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 60
October 1st, 2007 at 11:01pm
I feel like going on a little adventure
I feel like walking for miles as slow as I want to
But for once I'm not in the mood for walking alone

The journey back seems so much quicker
And words on screens make the time pass that bit faster
But it's still too slow for my liking

You say you see it in my eyes
I don't know why or how you can
I can't see you for the distance but I know you're looking
Looking, looking now
SugarGreen
King For A Couple Of Days
SugarGreen
Age: -
Gender: Female
Posts: 3369
October 2nd, 2007 at 04:48am
indie kid:
I feel like going on a little adventure
I feel like walking for miles as slow as I want to
But for once I'm not in the mood for walking alone

The journey back seems so much quicker
And words on screens make the time pass that bit faster
But it's still too slow for my liking

You say you see it in my eyes
I don't know why or how you can
I can't see you for the distance but I know you're looking
Looking, looking now


That is a very good start. The words "walking alone" are a bit overused now though... Perhaps change the word walking to being?
indie kid
Shoot Me, I'm A Newbie
indie kid
Age: -
Gender: -
Posts: 60
October 5th, 2007 at 06:48pm
Thankoo, that's a really nice and helpful comment. Cheers:]]x x x
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