Jeremiad.

Jeremiad.


let me let you know
of snow covered dreams
dripping off the seams
of all my make-believe heroes.

my history tells a story
of hearts lost in warfare
and found muddled between
satin sheets and your favourite lines.

i find myself awake again
at 2 AM
wondering if you'll notice
I'm not by your side.

and i thought i
might wish on a star
yeah, that'll get me far
and you, wherever you are
would want to find my face
and think of no one
who could take my place
but i have yet
to find one so bright
it must be magical.

i get lost in the florescence's
of the city above me
and the smoke beneath me
only blurs my chances
of hearing you tell a secret
one all of your own
so i blow out the candle
skip over the mines in the darkness
knowing your hand, were it there
would keep me safe.

It's too much for my tiny brain to handle.... or maybe it's the fact that it is 314 am here...

"knowing your hand, were it there
would keep me safe."

I like those words. Is the person missing a hand or simply not there?

I was just curious to know why you don't use any punctuation or anything, and write purely in lower case... apart from the title.

I really like the simplicity or the images you use, they're very effortless and accessible without being repetitive. Everything fit together, I suppose.

But I think the very first line 'let me let you know' was incredibly clever, and starting the poem in that way was great, because it was very unusual and grabbed me straight away.

Honey Emerald - The person is altogether not there, both physically and mentally.

Absinthe Daniel - I like the idea of the poem being simple and easy to read, and I feel that sometimes grammer gets in the way a bit. On some poems I use full grammar, and others, like this one, I use hardly any.

That probably doesn't make any sense, but yeah. There's method to my madness.

Thanks for the imput! XD

No, I really get what you mean. Actually I think it's really interesting, and a little madness never hurt anyone.

I liked it.
In your case the choppiness actually improved it and I love how you managed to say quite a lot without overusing words. The sweet simplicity is what makes it so special.

The 4th stanza was my least favourite, though.
Spell-check next time.