My Life Keeps On Crumbling Down..., chapter 5
I stood up and walked out of the café, ignoring the tears threatening to spill and walked down out of Billie's view ignoring the urge to run. Just as I reached my block I knew I didn't want to see them right now. I ran to the nearest bar and wiped the tears from my face.
"Vodka and orange please." I said to the bartender. He eyed me suspiciously.
"Are you over 18?" No shit Sherlock.
"Yes." I lied.
"Can I see some I.D please?" Bloody idiot. Where is my fake I.D when I need it? I fumbled in my purse.
"Just a sec, I have it here some where."
"I'll get this one for her." I literally jumped out of my skin as a guy I have never seen before pressed up against me and paid for my drink.
"Thanks," I said, "The name's Jenni by the way," holding out my hand.
"Jake," he replied, " Sit with me?" I considered it, hot guy verses crying in the corner. I pick the first one!
"Sure." And walked to his table with him. We were soon chatting and through our first set of drinks.
"Want another round?" Jake asked. I pondered. "How bout I get you some thing a little different?"
"Okay!" I said with a smile. Jake stumbled off to the bar. I was right, he did have a hot body, but did I really like him? No, I didn't. But he takes my mind off Billie.
"Here you go - a brandy cocktail." I nearly screamed. I was so deep in thought I didn't see him come back. "I'm just going to the toilets okay?" I nodded my head in response and watch him walk away. I looked down into my drink and saw the strange fizzing brandy coloured powder, ice-cream and honey...
*Flashback*
Dear diary,
Today is my birthday, I am 10! Yay! Billie Joe and me are getting on really well... Wow I never thought I'd here myself say that...
I looked around, the room was choking with smoke and alcohol, this is my birthday, but I don't even know anyone here.
I saw my uncle and he waved, I weakly smiled and walked over to him.
"Hey."
"Hey Jennifer, drink?"
"What is that?" I said curiously, as he handed something over to me.
I looked down into my drink and saw the strange fizzing brandy coloured powder, ice cream and honey, I looked back up and he smiled.
"Alcohol, its nice try it." I smiled and smelled it, ugh it smelt horrible, but since it was my first taste of alcohol I took a big gulp of it, pulling it quickly around from my lips and pulling my face in disgust.
"EW!" I shouted, I felt dizzy. Wow the room is moving, everything fading, pretty colours...
What's happening?
How did I get up here into my room?
Billie? What's Billie Joe doing on my bed?
What are you doing to me?
Why do I feel like this?
What did you put in my drink?
Ouch, don't... Don't do that, please, it hurts.
Why is Billie Joe standing up?
Why is he unbuttoning my shirt?
Stop! This isn't right.
I can't feel my limbs, I can't fight back, I'm weak, I'm defenseless.
And it's all your fault...
*Present*
Blink. Blink blink. This would be a good time to run. Blink.
I shook my head and got up. Calm Jenni calm. I legged it out the door round the corner and towards the flat. When I got up there I found a note from Jimmy and Ville, some thing about candy stores or something, Tré as high as cheese with Mike, but no Billie. I had to see him
Had to ask.
Had to shout.
To cry.
I walk round towards the café but bumped into Billie at the bottom of the stairs. I bit my lip.
"Hey!"
"Hi Jenni," I looked round.
"Could we go talk? Somewhere private?" I refrained from crying as he nodded.
"My place okay?" I blinked. You have raped me and you want me to go to yours? No way.
"I was thinking more like the park?" I said whilst pointing. He nodded and we walked to the band stands in the park. "Billie I wanted to kno-"
"Wait, I wanna say something. 7 years ago it was your 10th birthday party, and well we had sex. And for neither of us it was non consenual cause, well, I was drugged and I think you were too. I'm...I'm so sorry." He said all this without looking at me, as though scared. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."
"Billie, I remembered just now what happened and I know it wasn't your fault, it was my uncle. He raped me too. I was pregnant when I was 10. That's why you were taken home." He looked a bit stunned.
"Pregnant? I mean was it mine? Your uncle?" I felt a bit shocked about him asking me if it was his.
"I-I-I dunno. Could have been...And I know what you're thinking...I never had an abortion. I-I-I-I think it died... I just cant remember... "
"W-w-what do you mean?"
"Vodka and orange please." I said to the bartender. He eyed me suspiciously.
"Are you over 18?" No shit Sherlock.
"Yes." I lied.
"Can I see some I.D please?" Bloody idiot. Where is my fake I.D when I need it? I fumbled in my purse.
"Just a sec, I have it here some where."
"I'll get this one for her." I literally jumped out of my skin as a guy I have never seen before pressed up against me and paid for my drink.
"Thanks," I said, "The name's Jenni by the way," holding out my hand.
"Jake," he replied, " Sit with me?" I considered it, hot guy verses crying in the corner. I pick the first one!
"Sure." And walked to his table with him. We were soon chatting and through our first set of drinks.
"Want another round?" Jake asked. I pondered. "How bout I get you some thing a little different?"
"Okay!" I said with a smile. Jake stumbled off to the bar. I was right, he did have a hot body, but did I really like him? No, I didn't. But he takes my mind off Billie.
"Here you go - a brandy cocktail." I nearly screamed. I was so deep in thought I didn't see him come back. "I'm just going to the toilets okay?" I nodded my head in response and watch him walk away. I looked down into my drink and saw the strange fizzing brandy coloured powder, ice-cream and honey...
*Flashback*
Dear diary,
Today is my birthday, I am 10! Yay! Billie Joe and me are getting on really well... Wow I never thought I'd here myself say that...
I looked around, the room was choking with smoke and alcohol, this is my birthday, but I don't even know anyone here.
I saw my uncle and he waved, I weakly smiled and walked over to him.
"Hey."
"Hey Jennifer, drink?"
"What is that?" I said curiously, as he handed something over to me.
I looked down into my drink and saw the strange fizzing brandy coloured powder, ice cream and honey, I looked back up and he smiled.
"Alcohol, its nice try it." I smiled and smelled it, ugh it smelt horrible, but since it was my first taste of alcohol I took a big gulp of it, pulling it quickly around from my lips and pulling my face in disgust.
"EW!" I shouted, I felt dizzy. Wow the room is moving, everything fading, pretty colours...
What's happening?
How did I get up here into my room?
Billie? What's Billie Joe doing on my bed?
What are you doing to me?
Why do I feel like this?
What did you put in my drink?
Ouch, don't... Don't do that, please, it hurts.
Why is Billie Joe standing up?
Why is he unbuttoning my shirt?
Stop! This isn't right.
I can't feel my limbs, I can't fight back, I'm weak, I'm defenseless.
And it's all your fault...
*Present*
Blink. Blink blink. This would be a good time to run. Blink.
I shook my head and got up. Calm Jenni calm. I legged it out the door round the corner and towards the flat. When I got up there I found a note from Jimmy and Ville, some thing about candy stores or something, Tré as high as cheese with Mike, but no Billie. I had to see him
Had to ask.
Had to shout.
To cry.
I walk round towards the café but bumped into Billie at the bottom of the stairs. I bit my lip.
"Hey!"
"Hi Jenni," I looked round.
"Could we go talk? Somewhere private?" I refrained from crying as he nodded.
"My place okay?" I blinked. You have raped me and you want me to go to yours? No way.
"I was thinking more like the park?" I said whilst pointing. He nodded and we walked to the band stands in the park. "Billie I wanted to kno-"
"Wait, I wanna say something. 7 years ago it was your 10th birthday party, and well we had sex. And for neither of us it was non consenual cause, well, I was drugged and I think you were too. I'm...I'm so sorry." He said all this without looking at me, as though scared. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."
"Billie, I remembered just now what happened and I know it wasn't your fault, it was my uncle. He raped me too. I was pregnant when I was 10. That's why you were taken home." He looked a bit stunned.
"Pregnant? I mean was it mine? Your uncle?" I felt a bit shocked about him asking me if it was his.
"I-I-I dunno. Could have been...And I know what you're thinking...I never had an abortion. I-I-I-I think it died... I just cant remember... "
"W-w-what do you mean?"
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