Never Want To Be Alone..., chapter 1

I'm alone now
With no one else to protect me
What if the monsters in the closet get me?
I can't live alone
I need you to stay here


"I just want you to live a better life. I don't give a fuck about the world anymore."
The house just didn't look the same as it had been a few months ago. I could remember all the little details. I used to as much as I could. I'd close my eyes, my world plunging into a careless black night, where I could see nothing but the memory inside of my head. I was only vaguely of the sounds around me, but it was never anything out of the ordinary. A car speeding by, it's engine revving as it darted along, wheels resting on the tar surface. A harmless cat, wandering around it's territory, short meows emitting from it's small mouth. A dog, barking off in the distance, as if starting a twilight bark. The sounds were all-too familiar, and I had learnt to block them out when I went into my oblivious mode. All I wanted was my old life back. I didn't want what I had. I'd rather be living out on the streets with my parents by my side, than on my own with my house. It was roomy, and everything, nicely sized. And, back then... It was extremely homey. It is now, as well... But it was just better back then. I never would of imagined myself in that position a year or so earlier.
Staring into the familiar brown eyes of my mother, I didn't know what to say. I didn't entirely understand what she was trying to tell me. Live a better life. I already loved my life. It was average, maybe a bit higher. Sure, there was a few little problems... but every family possessed those problems. What did she see that was so wrong with my life, anyway? I was oblivious to what she was thinking, and I wanted to know what she meant. I wanted to make sure nothing bad was going to happen. It was probably just a little dilemma that needed to be sorted, and then we'd go along as usual. I was surprisingly wrong.
"What's wrong, mum?" I asked, gently. Absent-mindedly, as I spoke, I brushed a strand of my brown hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear. An uneasy feeling rose within me.
"This isn't right..." my mother said, in reply. Her voice strained to sound kind and loving, but I knew that those words meant something bad. Still, I had no idea what my mother was thinking inside that head of hers. Shifting uneasily, I straightened up, moving a few steps back to sit in the scarlet couch. I seated myself at the end, leaning on the arm and hugging one of the crimson pillows.
"What isn't right, mum?" I then proceeded to ask, the pillow still tight in my grasp.
"I don't..." she was finding it hard to word it. I still didn't know what she was trying to say... I still didn't think it was good. I felt like my life would be having a huge change some time in the future. It was just one of those feelings. That this conversation was way more serious than any conversation I had ever had. This was even more serious about the conversation about dad.
About when he was going to move away. And he wasn't coming back, either. The last time he had sent me a letter, since this conversation, had been four months, and I was beginning to miss him. Did he know anything of what mumw as speaking about?
"I don't... like the world anymore" she finished, finally, "I'm sorry..."
"What? What's wrong with your life, mum? Nothing! There's nothing wrong! You have a nice house, a good job-- Is this about Dad, mum? Dad still loves us... He told us." I was extremely defensive about it all. I didn't want her to leave. I didn't want her to go. I didn't want her out of my life... How would I live without her?
"There's a time in every person's life when they have to lie to make someone feel better, Tiff..." she answered, "I'm... I'm going now..."
I shook my head, trying desperately to take in what she was trying to say. "You're saying Dad lies-- But why are you gonna... do that over such a thing? Mum... You aren't going to leave me, are you?"
She looked extremely solemn, her brown eyes glancing at the light carpet that was soft underfoot. Trying to avoid eye contact, she stood up, and began to trudge out of the room.
"Sorry, Tiffany..."
I felt my eyes stinging, tears attempting to flood down my cheeks, but I tried to hold them back. My eyes burnt, and soon I could do nothing to pause the flow of light tears as they cascaded slowly down my cheeks. Burying my head in the pillow, I tried to silence myself. My life would never be the same, and I knew it before mum had even spoken. Didn't she love me anymore-- And if she said she did... Did she lie like Dad?
Some things were similar to how they had been that time ago. The couch, though slightly faded, still possessed the scarlet colouring, just slightly more dull. Throughout the months, I had spent a lot of time just... lying there, and thinking. Thinking about everything. I wrote poems without much meaning, just a jumble of words that made no sense. Ones that just expressed emotion if you could look close enough, or if you just saw the simplicity...
The carpet had stains on it, from when I had spilt something, just casual mistakes that I couldn't be bothered to clean up. The paint on the outside of the house was chipping slightly, but the house still looked pretty pristine, all in all.
Since the indcident, Dad still hadn't sent me any letters. I began to worry sometimes, but it didn't make much difference if something serious had happened to Dad, or not. He was in... wherever he was. He didn't help me. He didn't do anything. I was to fend for myself, just with someone else paying my bill. Those people were damn kind, and, though I had never really seen them, I respected them with all my heart. I didn't think anyone was that kind anymore. I thought they were all a bunch of stuck-ups, that just wanted to be concerned with their own life. I was just lucky my mother had befriended at least one reasonable family who were kind enough...

***

The sun was setting, off in the distance, the ball of flame lowering in the sky, sinking behind the land to let darkness reign over the land. But the power of street lights, and the lights of apartment buildings containing teens would keep some of it alight. Why wasn't I at any of those parties? I had never really communciated with many people. I could get friends... if I wanted any. I did want them, somewhere. I just didn't have the heart to go meet people. I desired to let the past take me in so I could wallow in the memories of my parents, instead of going out to make a future. I hadn't gone to school since mum passed away, in her suicide.
I walked along the sidewalk, shoes scuffing the concrete slightly. I was wearing jeans; faded. The colour was drained from them, one knee was ripped entirely, and the bottoms were frayed. They were my favourite jeans, obviously, since I got them. I had a hoodie on, the hood pulled over my head, the top of my cap sticking through. It was fully black, as was the cap. I was a big fan of black; Yes, before everything... well, ended, probably. Underneath the hoodie, I just wore a plain black t-shirt, with a vibrant word in white across it that read "Punx".
My hands were in my pockets as I walked along, slouching. It wasn't often I took a twilight stroll. The sky was darkening to grey up above me. A lot of people were still wandering around the streets, chatting with one another, and a lot of cars were still driving along the roads.
My hazel eyes observed the area around me. A teen or two here, a large apartment building there. And someone... drawing closer? A boy, with ebony-black hair. I eyed him curiously, as he headed straight for me. He seemed vaguely familiar... No, he didn't.
He briskly crossed the road, before halting on the sidewalk, a few feet in front of me. I chose to ignore his actions, and kept my head low as I trudged past him. I couldn't hear the sound of anyone's footsteps of mine for about ten seconds... But then, I did hear it, and felt something brush against my arm. Glancing upward, I saw the guy again. I glared at him lightly, brown eyes narrowed slightly, though didn't make exact eye contact.
A small murmur escaped me. "Go away." It wasn't offensive, like I planned it to be. I had changed my mind on what to say at the last minute. I walked a bit faster, so he would have a chance to get left behind. But, that wasn't what happened. I didn't expect the boy to be stubborn.
"No" he answered, his pace keeping up with mine, walking along beside me like a companion. Pfft. I didn't need one of those.
"Listen. I'm not in the mood for company." God, why didn't I just swear at him already, anyway?
Still, he didn't leave. He just looked at me curiously with emerald-green eyes, and raised eyebrows. "Well, what's up with you this evening? I did think you looked a bit blue."
I merely shrugged, before leaving a small pause. At last second, I replied. "What's up with me every evening..."
"Well, I'm not a mind-reader. I don't even know who the fuck you are. Try do a good deed and I get shot down? I didn't think that was how it worked."
"Sorry." The apology was small, meek, and barely audible, but he accepted it altogether. He seemed to notice there was something wrong.
"I'm taking you don't want to talk about it-- Well, now that I think about it, perfectly understandable. I don't even know who you are" he said.
"Exactly" I answered, "I try to avoid confessing problems to complete strangers that I've known for about a minute."
"I'm Billie Joe-- Who are you? I haven't seen you around, I think... You new to the place, or somethin'?"
Billie Joe? She recognised that name. Friend of Mike, that was it... She had liked Mike a year or two back. She hadn't really thought about him since. How easily forgotten poor Mike was. She was unsure if Billie Joe knew of her, if she told her name...
"I'm Tiffany" she said, simply, "And I've been here for a while. Five years, or something."
"Hm. Wonder why I don't know you then" Billie wondered out loud, "Well, nice to meet you, Tiffany."
"Yeah. I do remember you, though."
He raised an eyebrow, peering for a moment. "How? I mean... I don't think I know who you are, after all."
"You're Mike's friend... I heard of you two a few years back." I added a small shrug. "I'm surprised I still remember. Haven't thought about it in ages."
"Hm... Yeah..."
Conversation halted for a while, as we walked in silence. The sky darkened more, and the street lamps buzzed until the lights flickered on, illuminating small areas with light. I soon decided that it had been too long.
"I'm going home..." I said, quietly, turning back in the other direction, "Seeya, Billie Joe." Doubt I'll remember you for much longer. Maybe, never know.
"Oh. This early? Got strict parents or something, Tiffany?" Billie Joe casually inquired, catching up once again as I walked back the other way. You just couldn't shrug this guy off. He was stubborn. Extremely stubborn.
"No. I--" I didn't know whether or not I should continue... But I ended up doing so. "I don't have any parents... Not here, anyway."
He seemed to be struck a blow, and halted. I stopped to glance back at him, only to see him looking at the ground. I didn't know why, but I waited for him. After a minute or so, he moved forward again.
"I'm taking there's something wrong...?" I asked, gazing at him expectantly.
"I'm... sorry about your parents" he said, "I lost my Dad when I was younger... I know what it's like, sort of... Did they move out of the country and just... leave you here?"
I shook my head. "Dad left. I think he and mum got a divorce, and mumg ot all depressed and stuff... and... and... she committed suicide." I sniffed lightly, my eyes stinging slightly.
"Oh..."
There was a small silence, in which I quickly brushed away my tears. Strangely, it did feel a bit better to talk about it all...
"Yeah" I said finally, "Now I pretty much live alone... Mum got people to pay for all my junk. Electricity and stuff... It's really weird. I didn't know people were so nice, but they have to be fairly rich... You know, to pay for everything... I want to leave, to take the house of their hands, but I want to stay there as well... It's strange..."
Billie Joe merely nodded. The sky above was dark navy, appearing black, and about three stars twinkled up there. I could barely see the moon, as well.
"Thanks" I said, after another of those familiar silences drew in, "For just... listening. How come you came along, anyway?"
"As I said, you looked sad. And you are... So, it didn't depress you to just... look over the memories again?"
"Well, it's better to talk about it, I suppose" I answered him, shrugging my shoulders slightly. I gazed down at my shoes.
After a while, I reached my house. I looked at the slightly chipped paint, and the overgrown garden, but that was all I could find fault with. "Well, this is where I go. Seeya Billie Joe..."
"Nice house. Bye, Tiffany" he replied, turning to walk away.
"Wait, call me Tiff."
"Sure, why not?"

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