Animal Crackers In My Apple Pie (A Who The Fuck Is Tre Cool Story), chapter 1

Another day spent doodling on a piece of paper. I love doodling, I don't understand why teachers wouldn't let me doodle in class. God damn teachers.

I guess you would like to know who I am, well, I am the all mighty Tre Cool (would you like to pet my wolverine? ) My real name is actually Frank, but you can't call me that... Nore can anyone else for that matter.

I am in a band called Green Day (kiss my ass if you don't know us) and we have just released our album Nimrod. If you don't have it I suggest you go out and buy it... It will blow your fucking mind out. Me, Mike and Billie worked in that building thing that record things... I guess anyway for awhile. Now we are just using the building thingy to hang out in before we tour! Yupiee.

(By the by I hope you know entering the wonderful imagination(oh look a bird) of Tre Cool will make you think and act differently (you may start talking in third person, making perverted comments and eating pills you find on the floors.. Be careful).

"Remember never eat knives!" Billie and Mike came into the.. Building thingy. The coldness that comes from the outide makes me feel like a steak with freezer burn. I got frost bite on my ass once it hurt like a biotch. Billie layed on the couch beside me, I stoped looking for Mike'searing I 'borrowed' (while he was sleeping against a tree) and rested me chin on the couch so I could stare at Billie.

"Billie," I fluttered my eyelashes when he opened one eye to look at me "could you please tell me what this building thingy is that we are in at the moment." I flung my arms aroundlike a turkey. He closed his eyelid, so like any normal person I forced his eyes open and shoved my finger in his ear. BUT aperantly that hurt him somehow (he's always been a pussy) and last thing I remember a large fist coming at me. At that very moment I remembered I left my tomato sandwhich on that button filled thing over there that the recording people always screw with while we practice our songs and that this building is in fact a recording studio.

Mike and Billie were looking at me, I swatted away the stick they had and got up. I want a freezy. "I am going to go to that store... Does anyone have a map?"

"Tre it's down the hall." Mike pointed to the wall beside the door, what an idiot! I spun around until I got to the door... It's locked. What the hell?!? What kind of door do you have to push... I thought they only made door that you pull.

I walked passed a purple elephant, or well I thought it was... It was actually an old lady in a fur coat. I want it. I politly ripped the coat of the old woman and continued on my way.

Twenty minutes later I found the bathroom! Oh god did I need to go, now where is that store Mike wqas talking about. He is bad at giving directions Phhpt! I walked out of the 'loo' (what the fuck is a loo anyway? Billie said it once and I thought it sounded real sofistocated so yeah) AND LOW AND BEHOLD THERE WAS A DONKEY. But that wasn't all after the donkey walked away I saw the store!

A really hot girl around my age ( give or take alot of years) was flipping through some magazines. She had long legs, blonde hair, long red finger nails. She reminded me of that girl of that porn movie I saw the other day.

I walked up to her, and wooed her with my wonderful wooeing skills and next thing you know we were in the bathroom fucking. I love my job. So after that we got dressed, I'm not one to strike up a conversation after I am about to run away from someone I just wanted to fuck but as I was about to leave she asks "So who are you again?"

I was dumb founded. I AM TRE FUCKING COOL, the bastard. Just because I acidentaly called her Dianna (apperantly that's not her name) that does not give her a right to not know who the sex god of all sex gods is! I stumbled out of the bathroom and ran my beautiful hand in my brown hair. I could be in a shampoo commercal!

When I got back to our recording place Billie was passed out in Mike's lap. Sick bastard's must have smoked my whole stash! I knew I shouldn't have hid it in Mike's socks! (his feet smell like snails) I walked gracefully over to Mike's socks and found the rest of my stash, well there is enough to get me high as a kite... But nothing more. I am very disapointed, it took me three days to find that much weed around my house and look at that. Goine to waste on those two freaks of nature.

A baloon popped in my mind, sending me into histerical laughter. I had finished all the pot and was now drawing dicks all over Mike's face. I wrapped Billie in clear packing tap and stuck him (naked) on a poll outside the studio, I left some scissors up his nose so when he wakes up he can free himself. (SEE I am responcable... Enough! )
But I knew there was something I needed to do... AH MY BUTTER I WAS MELTING! (remember children don't leave things in the microwave without Billie supervising (or Mike.. But Mike usually stops the microwaving after 3 minutes... He's no fun). ).

Well Mike woke up before I could do much damage to him, but he made me tell him where Billie was. He ruined my fun! Atleast he will have me beautiful art work on him for a few weeks. Which reminds me I need a bath today! But thta can wait.

The weird guy who books our gigs and shit ( he's cool I just don't know why he's always around) came in and told us we were touring tomorrow... I THOUGHT WE HAD ATLEAST A WEEK! Now how am I suposed to get laid?!? Oh wait GROUPIES YUPIIEE!

Oh now the chick, Leanna, came in. Apperantly she is like my assistant person I get to boss around and get me coffee... It's like a love slave but different cause they don't do any kinky shit. Anyway she's pretty cool too, at first when she came nobody liked her... That was until she brought us a peace offering gift (beer and a coupon to some restuarant) so now she's like one of the guys. So yeah this whole thing is messed up and all I want to do is eat some cherries! I heard cherries are one of the sexiest things to eat.. Next to chocolate. Chocolate covered cherries ooohhh!

The rest of the day I was really stoned and forgot how to feed myself. AND I WAS REALLY HUNGRY TOO! Billie wouldn't feed me, damn him! Mike wouldn't feed me, but leanna was a nice little girlie and feed me.. Although she kept complaining about my finger going up her nose. I swear I don't know what she was talking about! ( I didn't have my finger that far up her nose anyway. )

So tomorrow we tour! I can't wait! Well actually I can.. Cause I can have a fairwell fuck tonight yeeeehaaaa!